Even more than the delicious food, the beautiful hotels, and the amazing architecture, the reason we all love the Disney Parks are their amazing attractions. The Walt Disney Company practically invented the concept of themed attractions, and over a half-century later, they’re still the best in the game.
But, while Disney has crafted masterworks like Pirates of the Caribbean, the Haunted Mansion, Splash Mountain, and Flight of Passage, they have — on occasion — missed the mark.
With all due respect to the mouse, let’s look at a few of those misses. In fact, let’s go park-by-park and take a trip to every Disney theme park around the world to identify the worst attraction at each Disney park.
For simplicity’s sake, let’s start in Orlando.
Magic Kingdom – Stitch’s Great Escape
Image: kathika, Flickr (license)
It’s a bit of a punching bag in theme park circles, but Stitch’s Great Escape is in contention for the worst Disney attraction on the planet. As such, it’s a fitting ride to lead off our list with.
It’s worth noting, there have been many reports that Stitch’s Great Escape is closed permanently already — however, Disney has yet to update its website to reflect that fact, and it still says the closure is temporary. For that reason, we’ll still count it here.
In the attraction, guests are pinned into their seats while a 3D Stitch leaps onto their backs and belches hot dog breath upon them. That is, as far as Disney Parks go, as bad as it can possibly get.
Is it the worst attraction in the world? Certainly not — even the worst Disney attractions are better than many of the dark rides you find at a regional park. However, the Magic Kingdom at the Walt Disney World Resort is so chock full of amazing rides, something has to be at the bottom of the list.
If it hasn’t already, this attraction will soon officially be off to the scrap heap, and this list will become slightly harder to create.
Epcot – Journey into Imagination with Figment
Image: lorenjavier, Flickr (license)
The other automatic lock on this list, Journey into Imagination with Figment earns an especially ignominious shoutout due to the fact that it replaced a vastly superior attraction in Journey into Imagination.
Glib and slick, but without any of the wry humor that can sometimes make that vibe successful, this attraction is as forgettable as the last country on your “drink around the world” trip. There are many good attractions at Epcot, and there are many mediocre attractions at Epcot. This, unfortunately, is neither.
Disney’s Hollywood Studios – Star Wars: Path of the Jedi
Curiously, Disney’s Hollywood Studios is among the hardest parks within which to find the worst attraction. Why? Well, because there simply aren’t that many attractions to begin with.
The two newest rides in the park, Slinky Dog Dash and Alien Swirling Saucers, are too new to earn this distinction. And so, we have to go a bit outside the box to find a true “worst of.”
Thankfully, or rather unfortunately, there’s Star Wars: Path of the Jedi. Not unique to Disney’s Hollywood Studios by any stretch of the imagination, this DVD extra features-style short film stitches together various plot points from the Star Wars films into what can best be described as content you might find uploaded onto YouTube by PadmeFanXd39.
Most depressingly of all, Star Wars: Path of the Jedi replaced a particularly creative lineage of foley-based attractions — first, the innovative Monster Sound Show and second, Sounds Dangerous.
Disney’s Animal Kingdom – TriceraTop Spin
Image: harshlight, Flickr (license)
In some cultures, it is considered tradition to intentionally craft errors into works of art. For some, this is meant to evoke the idea that humanity is incapable of perfection. For others, it’s because they believe one’s spirit is spun off into their creation, and the imperfections allow that piece of their spirit to escape.
Disney’s Animal Kingdom is, very nearly, a perfect theme park. It is close to perfect, in fact, that its flaw seems more likely to be a deliberate imperfection crafted for one of the above reasons. That flaw, however, sticks out like a sore thumb. It is, of course, Chester and Hester’s Dino-Rama.
This section of the park has a few attractions, so what makes TriceraTop Spin rise above the others to claim the spot of worst attraction? Well, at least Primeval Whirl is a parody of its neighboring attraction, Dinosaur. That’s kind of funny. TriceraTop Spin is just a Dumbo ripoff. Alas.
Disneyland Park – Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage
Image: lorenjavier, Flickr (license)
With space at something of a premium at Disneyland Park in California, weak attractions rarely stick around. And so, when combing through the many options within Disney’s first theme park, it’s honestly hard to land on any that are particularly bad.
Still, we have to pick one — and while a kiddie ride might seem like an obvious selection, those at least serve their purpose well. One ride, however, falls just short of its potential: Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage.
The attraction is fine, sure. It uses creative projections to tell a cute story and maintains a classic ride system. However, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea — which it replaced — was a soaring ode to science fiction and adventure. It was a dated thrill ride, yes, but it thrilled all the same.
The original attraction in this space became world famous, and Finding Nemo is a disappointment in that regard. It’s not bad, but it is the worst ride at Disneyland Park.
Disney California Adventure – Goofy’s Sky School
Image: rollercoasterphilosophy, Flickr (license)
Years ago, this would have been much harder — but for all the wrong reasons. Disney’s California Adventure opened with some stinkers, but a billion dollar renovation saw most of those go by the wayside.
Still, a few remain, and while there’s nothing particularly wrong with Goofy’s Sky School, there’s also nothing particularly right with it either.
The Disney Parks should strive for something above and beyond what regional parks can offer, and an off-the-shelf wild mouse just doesn’t cut it — particularly when it lacks an interesting theme of its own. You can ride this exact ride at countless amusement parks around the country, and you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. If it was even half as well-themed as Primeval Whirl, it might not be on our list.
Disneyland Paris – Aladdin’s Enchanted Passage
Image: Disney
Disneyland Paris went through some growing pains. When it opened, it quickly became seen a a colossal failure and an example of American corporate naïveté. But, over time, the company put in real effort to improve the park and enhance its offerings.
One strange addition was Aladdin’s Enchanted Passage — a kind of walk-through retelling of the classic Disney film. It’s a weird conceit, however, to essentially recreate the classic Disney dark ride experience … without the ride.
Disney cheaped out on this attraction, hoping to boost attendance, satisfaction, and capacity with spending too much on a capital outlay. Frankly, it shows — this would be so much better as a ride.
Walt Disney Studios Park – RC Racer
Image: frikitiki, Flickr (license)
On its own merits, RC Racer is a fine attraction that is not dissimilar to the swinging pirate ship-style ride we’re all familiar with from our local parks. It’s quasi-roller coaster design and fun theming making an acceptable experience.
However, Disney can and should be trying for much bigger and better things.
It’s easy to give Disney leeway when it comes to kids’ rides — after all, Dumbo has long waits for a reason. However, it’s rides like RC Racer that make it hard to defend Disney. It’s clearly not a ride for small children, which means Disney has a bit more ambition in creating it. So, why did they wind up with something that is, more or less, off-the shelf?
RC Racer isn’t bad, but it’s the worst attraction at Walt Disney Studios Park because it could be so much better.
Hong Kong Disneyland – Orbitron
Image: lorenjavier, Flickr (license)
Hong Kong Disneyland features, arguably, the greatest attraction outside of the United States: Mystic Manor. Local customs meant that a straight remake of the Haunted Mansion wouldn’t be well received, and so Disney went to the drawing board and reimagined the ride into a more mystical take on the uncanny and weird. The result was Mystic Manor, which is as creative and fun as any ride Disney has ever made.
At the other end of the spectrum, we have Orbitron — a straight remake of the Astro Orbiter-style attraction every Disneyland-style park has around the world. The one difference: the ride features flying saucers.
Ultimately, in a park that already opened with another similar ride in Dumbo, the space-age charm of the original Star Jets doesn’t quite feel as welcome here. Disney was willing to innovate and iterate on a classic attraction with Mystic Manor, but they seemingly took a step backward with Orbitron — not even elevating it, which was an obvious success from the Walt Disney World version.
Tokyo Disneyland – Gadget’s Go Coaster
Image: Disney
Disney’s Japan resort is, by and large, fantastic. And so, picking the weakest attraction is, by design, very difficult. But, there is one ride that just seems quite out of place.
Why is there a Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers-themed roller coaster still open in 2019? Why is this less-than-60-second-ride seemingly untouchable? Why hasn’t Disney tried to replace it with a more modern IP?
Family rollercoasters can be both friendly and thrilling, as Slinky Dog Dash can attest to. Gadget’s Go Coaster is neither, and could easily be replaced. And, perhaps it should be.
Tokyo DisneySea – Scuttle’s Scooters
Image: Disney
Tokyo DisneySea is, arguably, the most perfect Disney Park ever to be created. Something has to be last, and so we land on Scuttle’s Scooters.
This is an off-the-shelf caterpillar ride that Disney rethemed. That’s about it.
Is it actually bad? No. Is that a recurring theme here? Yes. Should you ride it? Not if you only have one day at Tokyo DisneySea. Otherwise, go nuts.
Shanghai Disneyland – The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
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Disney spent billions of dollars to open a brand new theme park in mainland China, pouring its heart and soul into a reimagined Pirates of the Caribbean ride that has blown away nearly everyone who has ridden it.
Leaving no stone unturned, Shanghai Disneyland was the company’s biggest play yet into one of the world’s fastest growing economies. And yet, for some reason, the company decided to air drop a 20-year-old attraction right into the middle of it.
The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh is a charming enough ride, and is indeed one of the better Fantasyland attractions in Orlando. But why bring that exact ride over to Shanghai when the more popular Pooh’s Hunny Hunt should be the new standard?
This is a fine ride, but Disney should be setting its sights higher. It’s the least best ride at Shanghai Disneyland, ergo, it’s the worst.
