Do you have a bottomless vacation budget? Can you buy whatever your second-favorite maid wants? Are you worried that your 18-month-old Ferrari is looking dated and thinking about upgrading?
If so, you’re in the one percent, my friend. And I don’t have to tell you that membership has its privileges. If not, well, it’s always fun to hear how the other half lives. Even the Most Magical Place on Earth caters to the elite with some of its priciest upsells. Here are seven of the most expensive things to do at Walt Disney World.
Charter a yacht
Image: DisneyI’m not looking to denigrate you here, but I’m vaguely disappointed that you don’t already have a yacht. Well, maybe you do, but you don’t want to sail all the way to Florida. Oh, and I guess getting your yacht to Central Florida is impossible.
I suppose you’ll have to charter a yacht during your vacation. Disney’s Grand 1 Yacht is available, even though you may find this 52-foot vessel a bit small. It’ll only hold 18 guests, which means that you’ll have to leave some of your posse back at the hotel suite.
The Grand 1 Yacht starts at $399 per hour, a pittance to someone like you. Even though the vessel would seem tiny to the Wolf of Wall Street, it does come with private dining and butler amenities. And you can watch the nighttime fireworks displays from the yacht, which certainly enhances the experience.
Devour the fanciest meal in the south
Image: DisneyAre you tired of Spago? Do you seek a change from Eric Ripert’s standard Le Bernardin fare? Of course! Your usual Friday table seems so mundane by now.
While you’re at Walt Disney World, you might as well try something new. During your visit, hop over to Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort & Spa, presuming that you don’t already have a grand villa there. Off to the side of the lobby, away from the notice of the poorer rich people, Disney operates the best-reviewed restaurant in the south.
Victoria & Albert’s is anomalous by Disney standards. It’s not subject to that cheeseburgers and chicken fingers nonsense that children and coal miners eat. Instead, you’ll discover a refined menu here, one worthy of your patrician palate. Sit at the Chef’s Table and savor a $315 meal and wine pairing.
Hang out in a private cabana
Image: DisneyYou don’t have to be a poor person to appreciate a day of fun in the sun. However, you certainly don’t want to associate with lesser beings. Thankfully, Disney caters to your lavish but reasonable needs.
You can rent a cabana at the best pool at Walt Disney World, Stormalong Bay. For a trivial price of $199 for a half-day or $299 for a full day, you’ll have a cast member at your beck and call. You may not need them, though.
The cabanas feature padded, comfortable seating and a ceiling fan to keep the sweat off your wealthy, presumably surgically enhanced body. A mini-fridge and fruit basket provide drinks and snacks, although I’m sure you’ll have more fun bossing the cast member around.
You’ll even have a television that you can turn to CNBC to monitor your stocks while you sunbathe. And USB ports will keep your smartphones charged in case you need to run Facebook or anything.
Have a spa day (and I mean a full one at six hours)
Image: DisneyHas your Disney vacation proven traumatic? Interacting with the little people in life is undoubtedly a challenge. Thankfully, you can always take a day off from the parks and luxuriate in the ultimate sport of the elite: the spa day.
I don’t have to tell you about the benefits of a spa day. You’re blanketed in cushy towels. Strangers perform pedicures and manicures while you sip cucumber water and plan your next corporate takeover.
Multiple Disney resorts host Senses Spa, an adequate place to spend a few hours. You’re not some rank amateur, though. You’ll want a full spa day, and that means the six-hour option.
Called Make Your Own Magic, this package costs a meager $675 and allows you to select your own experiences. Don’t get any wrong ideas, though, Robert Kraft. You’re at Walt Disney World.
Join Club 33
Image: DisneySure, Victoria & Albert’s tasted delicious, but you just couldn’t get past the other patrons, could you? That place doesn’t separate the riff-raff from those of your stature. Anyone with a few hundred dollars can go there. No, you need somewhere more exclusive.
You need Club 33.
Disney designed this exclusive membership program for people like you. Even during the 1960s, Walt Disney recognized that some high-profile guests would need a place of their own. Club 33 at New Orleans Square became the place for Southern California’s elite to join.
A couple of years ago, Walt Disney World received its own version. The Orlando version is a bit different in that it includes four different restaurants, one at each theme park. For a paltry $48,000, you can join and pay for a year of membership. After that, you’ll spend a modest $15,000 annually to avoid interacting with the peasants regular patrons at Disney restaurants.
Hire a plaid
Image: DisneySpeaking of regular patrons, Walt Disney World theme parks would be spectacular if not for the long lines, right? Thankfully, park officials understand that important people, such as you, shouldn’t suffer through such indignities. They sell a package that will allow you to buy your way to the front of the line!
Private VIP tours cost $425 an hour to start and could be as much as $200 more, depending on when you visit. Disney does require a seven-hour minimum, which means that you’ll pay about $3,000 to skip the lines. What do you care, though? You’ve got hundreds of shares of Berkshire Hathaway, after all.
What do you get for the money? A tour guide, aka a Plaid, will become your Disney World Sherpa. This person will chauffeur you around in a private van, taking you and up to nine of your closest friends/servants to the various parks.
Image: DisneyOnce you’re inside, you’ll get to enter the FastPass queue at some attractions. In some situations, you’ll skip the line entirely by entering through a hidden access point. You’ll board the ride before any of the little people.
Also, you can repeat attractions as often as you like. If you want to do Splash Mountain 15 times, your Plaid will make it happen. And they’ll feed you snacks and water when you get dehydrated.
Are you worried that your party has more than 10 people? No problem! Disney will happily rent you a second plaid for merely twice the price! You could feasibly wander around the Disney campus with 100 accountants, bankers, and lawyers. All it would cost you is $30,000! Your lawyers probably bill you that per hour anyway!
Purchase a second (or third or fourth) vacation home
Image: DisneyHow are your real estate investments these days? It never hurts to sink a bit more capital into the market while the bubble is nice and big. After all, housing bubbles never burst, and you never touch your principal anyway.
While you’re on the market for your latest vacation home, you might as well do it right. Sure, you could purchase a private island, but could you ride Space Mountain there? No, what you need to do is buy a Disney house. Disney will let you do it, too.
The priciest of all splurges at Walt Disney World is purchase a home at Golden Oak. This neighborhood exists for the crème de la crème of theme park tourists. It’s a series of housing developments on the Disney campus.
Image: DisneyWhen you buy one of these homes, you live at the Most Magical Place on Earth. You also receive exclusive benefits such as extra daily FastPasses and special transportation to and from the parks.
While others in the boardroom may brag about an Irish castle or a Wyoming rancher-mansion, you can say that you drive to see Mickey Mouse every day. And I don’t care how rich anyone is. Mickey Mouse trumpets all.
To make Disney your vacation (or permanent) home, you’ll need to spend at least $2.6 million. Of course, that’s for a paltry 3,911-square foot home. You have grander ambitions, right? You should splurge on one of the $5 million options. They’re closer to the 7,000-square foot range that you’ve grown accustomed to having.
