Nobody can say for sure which theme park is better, but it sure is fun to speculate. In previous theme park showdowns, I’ve debated whether Universal Orlando Resort or Walt Disney World has the better Marvel attractions, top roller coasters, and most satisfying dark rides. This time, we’ll do Helen Lovejoy a solid and think of the children. Here are my thoughts on which theme park operates the best family attractions.
Selecting the best family rides at each park
Image: DisneyThe first challenge with this showdown is deciding what qualifies as a family ride. Walt Disney World redefines family-friendly, and most of their attractions are excellent for kids as young as five years old.
At Universal Studios, a few attractions cater directly to children, but others perceived as more adult are perfectly okay for kids. If we judged based only on the Dr. Seuss stuff, Universal would be in trouble, which is why we’re not doing that.
Discussing Universal’s finest
Image: UniversalI carefully evaluated potential contenders on Universal’s side. Something like Flight of the Hippogriff seems like a natural except for the fact that it’s short and lazy. Similarly, most of the Dr. Seuss attractions simply aren’t up to snuff, and the two Harry Potter attractions are too scary for kids. We’re left with a few notable entries, all of which range from good to exceptional.
The Cat in the Hat
Image: UniversalI actually think that this is the worst overall attraction on this list. However, children won’t care. It tells the story of arguably the most famous children’s book ever, and it accomplishes this with some gorgeous, colorful sets. Kids seem hypnotized by the presentation.
Despicable Me: Minion Mayhem
Image: UniversalTo modern theme park tourists, this is probably the second-best and second-most relevant attraction at Universal Resort Orlando. It’s one of the motion simulation rides prevalent at these two theme parks, but this one feels less derivative. Plus, the Despicable Me theming and copious amounts of cartoon violence appeal to children in particular.
E.T. Adventure
Image: UniversalTo some, this attraction is woefully outdated. To others, it’s the pride of Universal and the best job of theming that the park has ever managed. I tend toward the latter category, although I agree with the former to an extent. Overall, I see the ride as a kindred spirit to Peter Pan’s Flight, as it tells the story well and simulates flight in a novel way. I don’t think kids have ever cared that they don’t know what E.T. is.
Hogwarts Express
Image: UniversalWhile the Harry Potter attractions aren’t an option for young kids, Hogwarts Express is different. It’s a form of transportation that finally gives Universal its own answer to Disney’s monorail system. For children, it’s a thrilling demonstration that wizardry is real at theme parks.
Kids totally believe that they’re riding the same bus that Hermione and Ron used to take to school. Hogwarts Express is a masterpiece of an attraction that doesn’t receive the credit that it deserves. When I evaluate Universal relative to Disney, this attraction is the Mouse House’s most vigorous competition.
Kang & Kodos’ Twirl ‘n’ Hurl
Image: UniversalBut as a Simpsons addict, I also believe that this flat ride is something that kids will adore. The ride mechanics are simple enough that no one will get scared off, while the oversized alien head in the middle will grab any child’s attention. They’ll cackle at the quips, too. While I think The Simpsons Ride is a bit much for most youngsters, Twirl ‘n’ Hurl is a carnival ride with a Simpsons twist.
Discussing Walt Disney World’s finest
Image: DisneyOkay, here’s the real challenge. My shortlist of child-friendly Disney rides had more than 20 entries. I tried a few arbitrary rules, but I frankly didn’t like them. So, I just went with the five that I feel embody Walt Disney’s mantra about building theme parks for families.
I left out anything that might be scary or boring to kids, which ruled out a bunch of dark rides and longer attractions. The hardest cut was Kilimanjaro Safaris, which most kids adore, but some find overly long and dull. Similarly, I only picked one kiddie coaster, which left Slinky Dog Dash as a near-miss.
The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
Image: DisneySome elements of child-friendly attractions are timeless. At Magic Kingdom’s version of Winnie the Pooh, guests board a literal Hunny Pot and drive past oversized pictures of pages from a book. In mere moments, the ride drives through one of them, letting people enter the story in more than a metaphorical way. From there, it’s a realistic recreation of Hundred Acre Wood, an experience that young ones adore.
The Seas with Nemo & Friends
Image: DisneyPixar is everything for the last few generations of kids. Out of the various brands, the memorable characters from Finding Nemo/Finding Dory resonate due to their engaging appearance and ridiculous shenanigans.
While The Seas with Nemo & Friends rarely gets mentioned with the best of Disney, it’s among the best of the company’s family-friendly attractions. This ride takes kids under the sea, where they interact with a scary shark and then surf some tasty waves. And the multi-generational nature of it along with the message is adorable to all.
Seven Dwarfs Mine Train
Image: DisneyI’ve shied away from roller coasters thus far, but Walt Disney World offers two that are fine for children over the age of four. I mentioned that Slinky Dog Dash didn’t quite make the cut, as I picked Seven Dwarfs Mine Train instead.
My thought process is that the tilting element of the mine train thrills children more, although that’s a judgment call. If you love the Slinky-style stretching instead, that’s understandable. For me, the mine train coaster is (slightly) more fun, and the shiny baubles during the dark ride portion mystify children. These set pieces are among the finest in Disney history.
Splash Mountain
Image: DisneyNo matter a kid’s age, the concept of a wet ride appeals to them. You could splash water in their faces for five minutes, and they’ll happily depart the attraction squealing, “BEST RIDE EVER!!!” You’d feel like Parent of the Year as you watched their euphoria, too.
Splash Mountain certainly has that moment, the titular splashdown that’s foreshadowed for the entire ride. However, the other elements leading up to that tsunami are so exceptional that they’d merit a place on this list on their own. Before it drenches you, Splash Mountain tells a charming story while singing several happy songs.
Toy Story Mania!
Image: DisneyNobody can perform repetitive actions like children. Parents are reading this and nodding emphatically but somberly. Unpleasant memories spring to mind, I’m sure. But Imagineers deserve a ton of credit for building a repetitive action into the core of Toy Story Mania!
On this “ride,” you pull a cord to shoot a fictional object to pop a balloon or break a plate or the like. You’ll do this hundreds of times, although you won’t even realize it.
On Toy Story Mania!, you’re participating in a series of challenges that Disney has gamified into 4-D versions of (formerly) popular carnival events. Kids relish in the challenge of beating mom/dad/sibling(s) at a Disney ride. It’s everything that they love about a park visit: familiar Pixar characters, gaming tech that’s not readily available at home, and potential bragging rights.
Final evaluation
Image: DisneyI like Universal a lot. I feel like they’ve made great strides in recent years to cater more to kids. Previously, the family-friendly attractions were kind of insulting in their mediocrity. Three out of the five that I listed here are newer, which demonstrates that they’ve taken steps.
Even so, I left several attractions off of the Disney list that would have easily bested Cat in the Hat or Kang & Kodos’ Twirl ‘n’ Hurl. Based on depth, Disney undeniably wins. In terms of the best possible ride, I believe Hogwarts Express is worthy of that title. I just can’t say that it’s unquestionably better than Seven Dwarfs Mine Train, Splash Mountain, or Toy Story Mania!, though.
This round simply must go to Disney due to overall depth. Universal has gotten much more competitive in recent years, though.
