Last year, I wrote about my choices for the Mount Rushmore of Disney attractions, which is part of a thought experiment that reduces a wide-ranging topic to a limit of four selections.
I’m going to modify the exercise this time to make it a bit more open-ended. Rather than focus on all of Disney, I’m going to limit the potential attractions to rides only available at Walt Disney World.
Also, I’ll have a requirement of one selection per park and a caveat that I can’t pick anything from the previous list. Keeping the rules in my mind, here’s my Mount Rushmore at Walt Disney World.
Disney’s Animal Kingdom
Since I’ve already taken Pirates of the Caribbean, Space Mountain, Haunted Mansion, and Spaceship Earth off the list, the shortlist is reasonably easy to make. I’m only worried about the best and most essential rides this time, not the ones that claim the most name recognition.
At Animal Kingdom, three attractions merit strong consideration. They are Avatar Flight of Passage, Expedition Everest, and Kilimanjaro Safaris. Here’s my thinking on each one.
Before the introduction of Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance, Avatar Flight of Passage was generally regarded as the most groundbreaking, brilliant attraction at Walt Disney World. Unfortunately, it’s still new, so I struggle to quantify its quality in the face of recency bias.
Expedition Everest embodies everything that Disney means to me. It’s a thrill ride that proves Disney rides can kick ass, but the story and Imagineering tricks are equally impressive. It’s a fully formed, complete attraction that legitimately comes with no negatives.
Then, there’s Kilimanjaro Safaris, the attraction that underscores Disney’s triumph with Animal Kingdom. Each trip through the savannah comes with new mystery and intrigue, as animals are mercurial by nature. The rider never knows when they’ll come out to play or nap in their natural habitat.
While I adore all three rides, I think that Avatar Flight of Passage falls back a bit in the importance category. I actually think that Expedition Everest has a better argument here, but I’m going with Kilimanjaro Safaris. Thematically, it provides the backbone for the entirety of Animal Kingdom.
Epcot
Okay, Epcot is more challenging than the other parks because I previously selected the obvious choice, Spaceship Earth. It comes with the stature that a person should expect of an attraction on Disney’s Mount Rushmore. However, it’s not the only ride at Epcot that has an argument.
On the contrary, I initially shortlisted Soarin’, Test Track, Mission: SPACE, and Frozen Ever After. Due to its history, I even considered Journey into Imagination with Figment, but…you know. I just can’t with the current version.
So, let’s take a look at the other candidates. Soarin’ is a true masterpiece, with Imagineering genius visible from the start to the end of the ride experience. It has two knocks against it. One is that it’s not an Epcot attraction originally, a fair criticism, and the other is that Soarin’ around the World is broken in one part. The Eiffel Tower famously tilts when viewers look at the screen from the sides.
Test Track’s candidacy centers on its originality as a combination dark ride and roller coaster. In industry jargon, it’s a high-speed indoor slot car attraction, which means that the vehicles are on grooves similar to the ones in children’s car track playsets. It’s visually stunning and aggressively thrilling at stages. On the downside, there are three versions of this attraction at Disney theme parks; Epcot’s is the “worst” of them.
Mission: SPACE has garnered as many headlines as any 21st century Disney attraction. Not all of them are good, of course, but the intent was to construct an astronaut simulator of sorts. Imagineers liaised with actual NASA employees, some of whom had actually been to outer space. It’s a theme park project of rare stature and merits respect and admiration, if not adoration.
Then, there’s the hottest ride at Epcot these days, Frozen Ever After. It took some of the best features of a good ride, Maelstrom, and elevated them via Frozen theming. In other words, it’s pure Disney magic, with the ideal combination of technical innovation and Arendelle settings. It faces that issue of recency, though. I suspect that when Guardians of the Galaxy and Ratatouille rides are open to the public, Frozen Ever After may lose some of its luster.
After a great deal of debate, I decided that Soarin’ deserves the Epcot spot on Mount Rushmore. It comes with the most grandeur and status among Disney and non-Disney fans alike. Since it’s nearly 20 years old, it’s stood the test of time more than Frozen Ever After, my backup selection. Don’t @ me, Team Arendelle.
Disney’s Hollywood Studios
Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge and Toy Story Land are all the rage at Hollywood Studios these days. The traffic flow to that side of the park is undeniably lopsided, but recency bias eliminates the contenders from these two themed lands.
So, I can’t honor Millennium Falcon: Smugglers Run, Slinky Dog Dash, or Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance yet. And The Great Movie Ride no longer exists for reasons that will never make sense to me. Ergo, the field quickly narrows to Star Tours, Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith, and Twilight Zone Tower of Terror.
One of these options figuratively and literally towers over the others, but let’s quickly evaluate the others. Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster is 82 seconds of adrenaline, with ride start unlike any other at Walt Disney World. Your stretch limousine goes from zero to 57 miles per hour in less than three seconds. The rush is aided by the soundtrack of classic Aerosmith hits. The ride’s spectacular, it’s just too short to qualify for Mount Rushmore.
Star Tours has anchored Echo Lake since 1989, as the ride opened roughly seven months after the park did. It’s a seminal part of any Hollywood Studios visit and has been for 30 years now. Disney also does a masterful job of refreshing it, as Imagineers add scenes from new Star Wars movies when appropriate.
I’d go so far as to say that Smugglers Run is a more elaborate version of Star Tours, proving that the concept’s still sound. I’ve got no negatives to mention about Star Tours. There’s just something better at Hollywood Studios.
Twilight Zone Tower of Terror is a perfect attraction. I hated leaving it off of last year’s list, but it lacks the name recognition and overall branding of the stuff that I included on Disney’s overall Mount Rushmore of rides.
At Hollywood Studios, however, Tower of Terror is the biggest fish in a small but high-quality pond. Its theming is impeccable, the ride experience is euphoric, and the cast members seem thrilled to work here. There’s just no other Hollywood Studios ride that can compete with Twilight Zone Tower of Terror for this honor.
Magic Kingdom
On the original list, 75 percent of the attractions are ones that you’ll find at Magic Kingdom. As such, I toyed with taking the park off the board this time. But the reality is that Magic Kingdom’s attractions are the most iconic ones in the world, just like the offerings at Disneyland. So, I still have several quality options this time.
Jungle Cruise was an opening day attraction that’s morphed into a charmingly cornball goof on lame set pieces and bad jokes. It’s a B-movie disguised as a Disney attraction, but a very real A-list movie will come out soon and heighten the ride’s profile even more.
Mad Tea Party claims such strong name recognition that it’s virtually synonymous with nausea-inducing carnie rides. The same is true with Splash Mountain and water rides. The idea of getting your picture taken moments before getting soaked is symbolically linked to this particular attraction.
Then, there’s It’s a Small World, which I sometimes believe is the greatest theme park attraction ever built in terms of pure design. It’s simple enough that any compulsive Etsy crafter could do parts of it but sophisticated enough in its message that the idea still resonates 45 years later. And the song is arguably the most recognizable one on the planet.
I feel like It’s a Small World and Jungle Cruise are both worthy of a spot on Mount Rushmore. However, I mentioned last time that the most brutal cut was my fifth selection for a four-spot list. I’m speaking of Splash Mountain, the attraction that’s defined wet rides for the last 30 years. Like Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, it’s a perfect ride, and that brings me to a more significant point.
Last time when I did this, I had to leave two perfect rides off the list, because that’s how spectacular Disney theme parks are. A single Mount Rushmore isn’t large enough as a monument to host all of the company’s greatest triumphs.
The Walt Disney World Mount Rushmore of Splash Mountain, Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, Soarin’, and Kilimanjaro Safaris still excludes several worthy contenders. I can’t list Expedition Everest, Avatar Flight of Passage, Star Tours, Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance, Slinky Dog Dash, Jungle Cruise, or It’s a Small World. The depth of astounding attractions at Walt Disney World is truly insane. We, as theme park tourists, are spoiled by it.
