Where there are people, there will be conflict…
It’s human nature for people to have disagreements sometimes—even among close friends. You might think your family is the only one who can’t take a vacation without things getting tense, but you’re actually in the majority.
Theme parks like Disneyland and Walt Disney World have a unique way of highlighting people’s differences in dramatic ways. One family member wants to take things slow; another can’t hit the next attraction fast enough. One likes strict itineraries; another is a free spirit who prefers spontaneity. Your four year old may want to spend the whole vacation in Fantasyland while your teenager only cares about thrill rides and Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge. Age, temperament, and personality can all play into these contrasts.
How in the world is a family to have a peaceful vacation if everyone you’re traveling with is just so different?
Too many Disney parks vacations are spoiled because pace and preference differences are handled poorly. One strong personality might call all the shots, leaving others feeling unsatisfied and left out. Another common scenario is that the entire trip might be tailored to the desires of the youngest child, leaving older children frustrated.
The good news is it is possible to have a satisfying, enjoyable Disney parks vacation when traveling with family and friends who have significant differences. Here are the top tips we found to make it happen…
1. Know your limits
There are some realities when traveling with a diverse party—even family—that cannot be avoided. It’s worth considering which limits you may need to manage during your trip that cannot be altered with any amount of planning.
If you have small children, for example, they will need an adult watching them at all times. A large group of kids may be too much for one adult to handle. In similar form, if you have any party members with mobility or care issues, it may not be an option for them to spend portions of the day alone. Other realities to work with may include care for infants, awareness of energy levels, and medical needs.
Instead of ignoring these realities, be aware of them and prepare accordingly. Sometimes just being mentally prepared can reduce conflict in the moment.
2. What are your Disney-magic musts?
There’s something for everyone at Disney parks, and different people are going to look forward to different things…
One of the biggest problems when you have pace and personality differences on a Disney trip is that some party members may feel like their desires aren’t heard. The scales might be tipped too far towards all decisions being made either by the majority or specific family members with strong personalities.
It’s worth taking time before your trip to identify what each family member is looking forward to the most. Is there a particular ride or attraction they don’t want to miss? Is there a meal they want to try? Could they care less about the parks and just want some time napping by the pool?
Go into your trip aware of these wish lists. Some may be short and some may be long, but work as a family to do what you can to make these top experiences happen.
You’re not going to be able to please everyone—you will drive yourself batty trying to do so. You can, however, make efforts so everyone in the party feels included by planning to hit their top wish list items. Some may not be possible simply due to realities like last-minute planning or crowd levels (for example, do not base the total happiness of your vacation on A) Getting onto Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance or B) Getting a reservation at Oga’s Cantina or Be Our Guest). You can, however, take measures to plan to visit must-do experiences so you have the best chance that everyone feels heard, valued, and included.
3. Consider strategies for points of conflict
The larger your party is, the more likely you will encounter some sort of conflict during your Disney parks vacation. Some of these may be minor disagreements, while others may risk becoming major interruptions and points of frustration.
While you don’t want necessarily want to go down the black hole of mind-reading (assuming others thoughts and intentions) or catastrophizing (assuming the worst outcome is inevitable), it is worth considering how to handle obvious points of conflict.
One common area of conflict for families visiting Disney parks is what time to arrive every day. Do you have an early riser in the group who will make every effort to be at parks before opening gate? If you have other party members who struggle to wake up early (or get the kids ready) on the best of days, you have a potential source of conflict worth talking about. On one hand, you can strategize ways to help the late risers get to bed a little earlier or perhaps pitch in to help with the kids in the morning to speed things up. On the other hand, it may be good for the early riser to be prepared for a later arrival and have a back-up touring strategy so their day isn’t ruined. What you do will depend on your family but consider your options.
Two other points of conflict are closely related: age differences and thrill-ride preference. As mentioned, it is not uncommon for families to tailor an entire Disney vacation around the youngest child, leaving older children (and even adults) feeling frustrated. The same scenario can play out if you tailor your trip to family members who don’t like thrill rides, leaving those who want to try those attractions unsatisfied. Rather than tilting the scales one way or another, consider strategies for how to hit those wish list items as a family. Not everyone needs to ride all of the rides or follow the same itinerary—as we will explore below, your party can consider splitting up for portions of the day, taking advantage of systems like Rider Switch, and even planning purposeful breaks…
4. Consider splitting up
This strategy alone was one of the main reasons my family enjoyed years of wonderful Disney vacations—we knew when to split up into different areas of the parks.
My dad and I enjoyed thrill rides; my mother and grandmothers did not, so we purposefully planned times apart during Disney vacations. This gave one part of the family freedom to leisurely explore areas like World Showcase while the thrill-ride lovers could get into queues for E-Ticket attractions.
It was a game changer that can really help with pace differences in a party, as well as giving one parent a temporary break from childcare. This same principle can also be helpful if you have a mix of introverts and extraverts in your group—the introverts may want some time to explore alone. So long as they aren’t children requiring supervision, lean into this.
There are scenarios where splitting up may not be possible due to childcare needs or limits of a small party. In these scenarios, planning variety and extra time into itineraries to consider pacing issues is a good idea. In other cases, however, the idea of splitting up can be jarring to personal values—we might struggle with the concern that if we don’t do everything together on a vacation, it’s not a family vacation. In truth, sometimes a little space can make the family time more satisfying and enjoyable. Once again, it’s about finding a middle ground where everyone can feel included and valued in some way without feeling smothered or like they aren’t being heard.
5. Take advantage of the Rider Switch system
One of the reasons many families tailor their vacation to young children is due to concerns about height restrictions and scary rides—why wait in a line for a ride that little ones aren’t going to be able to do anyways, no matter how much older kids and adults want to ride it?
Disney actually has a system in place for this very situation—Rider Switch. Rider Switch allows families on select Disney attractions (typically those with height restrictions) to split into two parties so those who want to ride can do so while children are still being watched. Typically, it follows this pattern:
1) Check in with a cast member to confirm Rider Switch is available at the attraction and let them know you’d like to do a Rider Switch.
2) They will have you split into two parties. Party 1 is the group who will wait in the queue and ride first. Party 2 is usually made up of the adult watching the kids who don’t want to ride (or the other non-riding guests) and those who aren’t riding. They will be given a Rider Switch pass and told to wait in a designated area, usually outside of the attraction.
3) Party 1 goes and rides the ride. When they are done, they come and meet up with Party 2.
4) The adult (or adults) who want to ride in Party 2 go to the cast member and will be directed into the Fastpass+ queue so they can ride without waiting in a long queue again.
In the past, Rider Switch actually provided an opportunity for some family members to ride twice, though this has recently been limited due to misuse. Check with the cast member for specifics on the current system and who you can bring with you if you are in Party 2. The latest signs seem to indicate you can only bring one person, though rumors indicate Disney may be moving to limit even this.
Rider Switch is a game changer for families with small kids or major temperament differences—it opens up the possibilities dramatically for attraction choices.
6. Plan for snacks, meals, and hydration
Tempers flare when we are hungry, dehydrated, and fatigued. These three factors can play havoc on pace differences and family temperament during a theme park visit.
You’ll be expending a lot of energy visiting a Disney park. Not only can both Florida and California get steaming hot in the warm months, but you’re likely to walk more than 20,000 steps a day. If you don’t plan for snack, meal, and hydration breaks, your merry troop may quickly devolve into Mopey, Hangry, Testy, Whiney, and Salty.
First off, it’s just good sense to bring some snacks with you to a Disney park—especially if you have kids. Not only will you have an option if hunger pangs strike at an inopportune time, but you’ll save money and avoid some impulse buys. A good quality water bottle is also a good idea, particularly one with some sort of filter (Florida’s water can smell and taste… curious at times). If you find yourself in Disney parks without one, you can easily get free water from any location with a soda fountain or get a large cup to go after eating at a Disney restaurant.
Beyond these, simply make sure and plan—or be willing to slow down—for meal and snack breaks to help with pace differences in your party. If you have family members who tend to lose steam quickly without regular meals and hydration, plan accordingly. Also do what you can to book dining reservations as far in advanced as possible. You can sometimes get last minute reservations or onto walk-up lists due to cancellations, but don’t count on these options.
7. Be willing to take breaks
It takes a rare person to go full steam ahead without breaks for an entire Disney day—attempting to have your whole party do so is a recipe for problems.
If you have party members who tend to move at a very fast pace, they may exhaust slower members of your group. Along with simply planning times to split up, one of the best ways to mitigate this problem is to plan deliberate breaks.
The most convenient way to do this is to plan an afternoon break away from the parks for an hour or two—this may sound counter-intuitive, but it can actually be a very useful strategy. Most Disney parks have specific hours in the afternoon when they reach peak line lengths. Queues stretch to their highest, and dining options become difficult to come by. Usually these hours arrive from around lunchtime to 3 PM, though this can vary depending on the park and crowd trends.
Being able to easily get to and from the parks is one of the biggest benefits of staying at a resort on the Walt Disney World property—either Disney-owned resorts, or on-property options like the Swan and Dolphin (owned by Marriott) or the Four Seasons Orlando. Ease of being able to quickly come-and-go using Disney transportation or walkways allows guests to be able to take a very nice break when the parks are most stressful. You can still pull this off at nearby resorts like Disney Good Neighbor hotels, but you will lose some time driving, particularly if you are coming and going from Magic Kingdom’s Transportation & Ticket Center.
You can certainly manage an afternoon break others ways, such as touring Disney resorts and finding a nice lobby or deck chair to rest in but having access to a proper room is ideal. After a true break, you’ll come back to the parks refreshed and ready to enjoy the rest of your day into the evening hours.
This strategy has another benefit—party members who are content with a half-day only can simply call it and remain at the resort. It can be very frustrating for families with pacing differences if they feel like their Disney day got cut short because one half of the family doesn’t want to go back to the parks and has control of transportation and planning. Avoid this conflict by planning ways to get to and from the parks, as well as how to split up if you run into this scenario.
8. Be flexible and exercise patience
This is broad advice, but it’s important—be flexible and patient.
Values will clash, and the unexpected will happen on theme park vacations—prepare to be flexible without losing your cheese. Impulsive decisions may be made that alter carefully laid plans. A kid may see something you didn’t account for and want to detour. Characters may appear. You may find out about an experience you didn’t know about. A reservation may suddenly open up that a family member was longing to try.
Be flexible to change plans if need be, and be patient with each other.
Our differences are often what make family vacations wonderful. Yes, they can lead to conflict, but it can also lead to unexpected joys. Practice flexibility, especially when kids are involved. Nothing sours a vacation quicker that bitter words and bad attitudes. You’re going to experience something negative on your vacation, whether it be an unmet expectation or a clash of values—instead of stressing about it, prepare what you can, and ride out the emotions. Consider your options, exercise patience and wait to see what will happen. Most of all, exercise compassion for each other. You might just end up with a magical moment you never expected.
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