A trip to Walt Disney World is meant to be a time to turn off your brain, enjoy some sights, sounds, and thrills, and escape from the real world for just a bit. Disney accomplishes all of those things quite well, in fact — so much so that millions of people visit year after year.
But, there is one element of a Disney vacation that is sometimes overlooked: It’s really funny.
Sure, it can be funny watching angsty teens try to hide their smile during the nighttime fireworks shows. And, yes, it’s always worth a laugh when some dad cracks a joke while stuck in traffic on the resort buses. But, that’s not really what I mean.
You see, Disney’s attractions can often be just as funny as they are inspiring. Whether it’s a visual gag, a witty quip, or a perfectly timed one-liner, there are plenty of jokes you’ll find yourself laughing at during a Disney vacation.
Here are just a few of the best (and, for the sake of simplicity, we’ll only list one from each attraction):
Jungle Cruise – “I’d like to point out some of my favorite plants.”
Image: ericvaughn, Flickr (license)
Obviously, the Jungle Cruise is the first and most notable joke-filled attraction at Walt Disney World. Though it grew out of Walt Disney’s sincere attempt to capture the majesty of the natural world, it has since become the repository of some of the greatest puns Earth has ever come to know.
Each skipper brings their own voice to the attraction, and on occasion, a new joke becomes a part of the attraction’s famous oevre. But over time, there have been some jokes that stand out above the others.
If you were looking for one joke that adeptly summarizes the attraction’s unique point of view, there is an obvious choice. With the skipper intoning the traditional tour-guide voice, they say, “I’d like to point out some of my favorite plants,” before silently gesturing toward a couple of trees, seemingly at random.
Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor – “That Guy”
Image: lorenjavier, Flickr (license)
By its nature, Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor is largely unscripted. Yes, certain monsters retell jokes throughout the day and season, but improv and crowd work are deeply essential to the show’s appeal — so much so that it can feel like a different show every time you see it.
Nowhere is that more clear than in the attraction’s iconic “That Guy” bit. Everyone loves a good callback joke, and when one member of the audience repeatedly gets called out during the show, their transformation into a minor celebrity will always garner laughs.
If you’ve seen the show, you’ll know just what we’re talking about. If you haven’t, hey, no spoilers here.
Liberty Square Riverboat – “It’s better to keep your mouth shut.”
Image: aloha75, Flickr (license)
Is it cheating to include a witticism of one of America’s most well-known authors on this list? Well, yes it is. But, what makes this such a funny joke is, naturally, its Disney-specific context.
The Liberty Square Riverboat is a piece of classic Disneyana, combining a bit of American history with a relaxing tour of the theme park. The narrator on the journey happens to be Samuel Clemens, who (according to the attraction) is officially the pilot onboard the ship.
Clemens, better known to us as Mark Twain, proceeds to share his knowledge of the surrounding parkland, from Splash Mountain to the Haunted Mansion. But, throughout, he makes sure to shoehorn in as many well-known Twainisms as he possibly can.
The first is perhaps his most famous, “I always figure it is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.” From the moment this line is heard, the Riverboat becomes not just a scenic journey around the Rivers of America, but also a silly scavenger hunt to see how many clever Twain quotes you can recognize.
Walt Disney’s Carousel of Progress – “It’ll never work!”
Image: doctorow, Flickr (license)
The Carousel of Progress is the one attraction that best encapsulates everything Walt Disney was passionate about in his life. It tells the story of the American family through the 20th century, and it does so using what was, at the time of its creation, cutting edge technology.
But, at the heart of it all is a warm and inviting narrator whose love of progress is only surpassed by his surefire belief that he’s living in the most amazing time that ever would be.
Nowhere is that more evident in the attraction than in its running gag, masterfully set up in the “Turn of the Century” scene. The father, recanting the news of the day, assuredly tells us, “I even hear tell about two brothers from North Carolina who are working on some kind of flying contraption. It’ll never work.”
Walt Disney’s Enchanted Tiki Room – “So low, we can’t hear you!”
Image: aloha75, Flickr (license)
When the Enchanted Tiki Room debuted in 1963 at Disneyland, it was the very first attraction to use Disney’s now-ubiquitous audio-animatronics system. Originally intended to be a restaurant, the show has experienced a variety of changes over the year – most notably in the Walt Disney World iteration of the attraction.
But, what has endured is the attraction’s most famous song, penned by the incomparable Sherman Brothers: The Tiki Tiki Tiki Room.
During that song, one of Disney’s greatest quips can be heard. As one bird, Michael, proudly proclaims, “I sing so beautiful, I should sing solo.” His friend Jose’s reply is as ice cold and wonderful as can Ben, “Si. So low, we can’t hear you.”
Brutal.
O Canada – The Narrator’s exit
Image: rain0975, Flickr (license)
Leave it to Canada to craft a beautiful yet charming CircleVision film that both captures the country’s staggering wonder and entertains all who view it. While neighboring France features a film that is a masterful multi-sensory poem dedicated to the nation’s beauty, Canada’s film is a much more light-hearted entry.
Martin Short stars as, well, himself — offering a tour of his beloved homeland with the self-deprecating wit that we’ve all grown to love from him. But he’s not the only narrator.
Oh no, we first get a movie-trailer-esque voice-over artist intoning powerfully about how big and cold Canada is before Short chases him away. Of course, he doesn’t leave before letting out one quick quip, “I’ll just go to the France Pavilion film — where they appreciate an invisible narrator.” Touché!
MuppetVision 3D – “Unfortunately, none of them showed up.”
The single funniest attraction at Walt Disney World, or any Disney Park, is of course the one penned by the master himself, Jim Henson. One of his last contributions, MuppetVision 3D remains as timeless and wonderful as it was when it first debuted.
The Muppets’ vaudevillian sensibility lends itself perfectly to the 3D spectacle, and unlike most other 3D films, it allows the attraction not to get bogged down in any useless drama. The show is just a rapid-fire onslaught of jokes, from the first moments of the pre-show to the very last Waldorf quip.
But the best joke, and the one which best encapsulates the Muppets’ entire sense of humor, comes early on as master of ceremonies Kermit the Frog describes the process by which MuppetVision 3D came into being. “We invited distinguished scientists from all over the world to come and work here,” he tells us. “Unfortunately, none of them showed up.”
Humor will always be a key part of the Disney experience, and while some of these jokes might soon disappear, they’ll surely be replaced by new classics. What are your favorite jokes from Disney attractions?
