Okay, ruined may be a little harsh, but there’s no question some Disney ride upgrades have proven more controversial than the company intended…
News of attraction refurbishments at Disney World can prove the best or worst of news. Popular rides like Spaceship Earth, Space Mountain, and Star Tours have all benefited from excellent upgrades. Other refurbishments, however, have resulted in the cringeworthy Journey into YOUR Imagination, Stitch’s Great Escape, and The Enchanted Tiki Room (Under New Management).
There are times when Disney does everything right on an attraction upgrade, but amid needed changes, they lose just a little bit of the magic. These aren’t cases of epic fails. However, those with a sharp eye and a spirit for nostalgia may lament these minor flubs in updates to popular rides.
1. Pirates of the Caribbean – The tale of Captain Jack Sparrow
When Pirates of the Caribbean was adapted to the big screen, no one expected a decade-long successful movie franchise. Captain Jack Sparrow earned the adoration of fans worldwide and quickly became a Disney mainstay. It came as no surprise when Disney announced plans to update Magic Kingdom’s Pirates of the Caribbean to incorporate the enigmatic captain.
There’s several things to like about the update. Passing through the fog-outlined faces of Davy Jones and Blackbeard is a great moment, as is the addition of Barbossa’s voice to the pirate ship scene (granted, it is odd the ship doesn’t have the Black Pearl’s namesake black sails). As expected, Captain Jack is sprinkled liberally throughout the journey.
There’s one problem. For reasons unknown, Disney decided the best way to add Jack to the story was to have characters throughout the attraction repeat the full name “Captain Jack Sparrow” every 2-3 sentences. On a recent excursion, I counted hearing it around seven times.
References to Jack are to be expected, but the additions sound very unnatural. He’s never called “Jack” or “Captain Sparrow”. It’s always “Captain Jack Sparrow”. There’s a distinct marketing vibe to the dialogue, and to make the issue worse, when we see Jack lounging atop a pile of treasure at the end, instead of sounding like his normal glib self, he’s oddly monotone– an unsmiling, blank-eyed caricature.
While the addition of Captain Jack to the ride was a welcomed addition, the heavy-handed branding ends up distracting rather than enhancing the Pirates experience.
2. The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror – Drops gone wild
The history of the Tower of Terror is an interesting story, but there’s one section of the Tower saga most guests are not aware of. When it first opened in 1994, the Tower was similar to today’s version with one exception— the ride culminated with only a single drop. When you reached the dreaded elevator shaft, guests hovered in the dark then dropped a few feet. The doors opened and with the loud crack of a cable snapping, the elevator plummeted to the bottom.
While the attraction was a huge hit, this proved a painfully short experience for the enormous queues the Tower drew. Recognizing the dilemma, Disney Imagineers swept in with a much-needed upgrade: The Hollywood Tower of Terror II. Double the drops, double the terror.
In this version, you reached the elevator shaft, dropped a few feet, then with that terrifying sound of a cable snapping in the dark, you’d fall nearly the full height of the Tower. Just as you neared the bottom, you blasted back to the top and hovered in front of the open doors looking over Hollywood Studios. The camera flashed, and you plummeted the full thirteen stories, an incredible effect as the elevator blasted past the speed of gravity. It was the perfect mix of fright and Disney magic, and the attraction finally reached a suitable length.
It seems plain to assume that all signs within Disney pointed to “more is better”. Before long, The Tower was updated to the version we’re all familiar with, where the elevators fall in a randomized sequence of drops and lifts. Overall, it was another great upgrade as it lengthened the drop section and kept guests guessing just what horrors the Tower had in store each time.
Unfortunately, this refurbishment came at a small cost: first, that heart-stopping sound of a cable snapping was, at some point put by the wayside. Perhaps it didn’t fit with the supernatural element. It’s such a subtle change, I’ve actually wondered if those of us who remember it only imagined it.
Second, the random drop sequence cost the ride an important element—the thrill of a full fall down the tower’s thirteen stories. Tower of Terror II emphasized the power of the drop perfectly. The current effect feels rather more like being on a giant yoyo than plunging into oblivion. After being bobbed up and down, it’s a little harder to appreciate that faster-than-terminal-velocity drop. There’s much to appreciate in the randomized version of the Tower, but there are some things to be missed about the perfect blend of sound and horror that was Tower of Terror II.
3. Test Track – Surprise tests
We’ve explored the differences between the two incarnations of Epcot’s Test Track before. Whereas the original ride was a wacky exploration of safety testing for new vehicles, today’s Test Track is an ultra-sleek simulation-of-a-simulation surrounding the design of new cars.
There’s so much to love about the new Test Track: the ability to design your own vehicle, the switch to a dark ride setting, the not-so-subtle hints that it might be a spiritual successor to Tron… However, there’s one key area where the new Test Track lost the magic.
The fun factor.
There were so many hilarious moments in the original Test Track—the corrosion test robots, the “surprise tests” joke. These segments wouldn’t have fit with the new vision for the ride, but there’s one moment we truly lament the loss of.
The barrier test.
You can watch the segment at about 9:20 in the video. In the original attraction, after you completed the main gauntlet of tests, you entered a large warehouse with a foreboding sign: Barrier Test. Your car cleared the corner and slowly lined up to face a wall marked with a crash target. Obliterated cars lined the track. In what might be one of the greatest pranks in Disney attraction history, you accelerated towards the wall. Just as you were about to strike, the wall split to send you speeding onto the famous test track surrounding the pavilion.
It was probably the funniest moment in any Disney attraction. I can’t think of a single instance where people didn’t laugh nervously at this brilliantly executed joke. The new attraction has a distinct feel of a Chevrolet commercial, one that takes itself just a little too seriously. The moment when the car blasts through a dark void onto the open Test Track is a bit anti-climactic compared to the old version. It begs the question if the barrier test segment could have been given a “Sim-Track” upgrade to maintain some of that old Disney magic.
4. The Great Movie Ride – Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain
The Great Movie Ride hasn’t had the best luck when it comes to upgrades. The much-loathed Hollywood Studios sorcerer’s hat blocked the attraction’s beautiful exterior from 2001-2015. The Footlight Parade scene has been subject to repeated breakdowns, and the ride has also been the target of weirdly pervasive rumors that the Alien section will be removed (for the record, this is not true).
However, The Great Movie Ride finally received some love in 2015 when Turner Classic Movies became its sponsor. The most noticeable benefit came in the updating of the ride’s ending movie montage, but the sponsorship brought one change that has sapped some of the magic from this Hollywood Studios centerpiece.
When the TCM refurbishment took place, the channel’s prominent host, Robert Osbourne, became the ride’s main narrator. By all logic, this would seem a great choice since his voice is easily associated with film history. However, with utmost respect to the late legend, for those unfamiliar with Osbourne his narration of The Great Movie Ride comes across as sounding like he’s utterly bored.
In the original attraction, a live host (your driver) narrated your journey through the movies. Guides with great personality added something truly special to the experience. You rooted for them when they were stolen away during the gunfight scene, and you cheered when they subsequently reappeared. The driver-narrators made the Great Movie Ride personal, and—most importantly—they could be heard.
In the new attraction, depending on where you’re sitting, Robert Osbourne’s voice is almost inaudible. Without the context of being a TCM fan, his near-monotone delivery feels dull and clinical. Since Osbourne handles narration for most of the ride, the driver is relegated to an awkwardly superfluous role. They occasionally banter with his omnipresent voice, but the effect falls flat. By the time we reach the gunfight section, we have almost no personal connection to the driver, and the segment now seems campy and bizarre.
The TCM sponsorship, overall, was a good thing. The Great Movie Ride definitely needed updates to the final montage. However, the overuse of Robert Osbourne’s narration has cost the ride its former unpredictable charm.
What are some of your least favorite attraction updates?
