You’re familiar with the term dark ride. At Disney theme parks, you may believe that the phrase is a bit silly. Disney’s never dark, right? Au contraire! Animators oftentimes have twisted senses of humor. They love shocking strangers with uncomfortable jokes. Even on your favorite rides, some malevolent forces are at play. Here are some of the darkest moments on Disney theme park attractions.
Expedition Everest – Journey into Darkness
Image: DisneyExpedition Everest is like a cruel psychological experiment that Imagineers perform on theme park tourists. You ride this impressive train through the Himalayan Mountain range, your destination Mount Everest. You’re almost 20 stories high with an inspiring view of Animal Kingdom. Everything seems lovely right up until you reach the cruelest part of the ride.
Up ahead, you notice that the tracks are broken, almost as if some gigantic monster had ripped them asunder. There’s a cruel pause at this moment, long enough to allow you to piece together what’s happened and what it means to your immediate future. Then, the ride slams into reverse, thrusting you into darkness as your train engineer attempts to save you from the lone inhabitant of the Forbidden Mountain.
Eventually, you come face to face with the Yeti, the territorial creature who claims dominion over this piece of land. You are an unwelcome visitor here, and it takes a swipe at you in hopes of ending your existence.
Image: DisneyLet me summarize. On Expedition Everest, Disney quenches your light by redirecting your train into the blackness of a mysterious mountain. Then, an enormous and not-at-all fictional monster tries to kill you. It doesn’t seem very Disney, does it?
Haunted Mansion – the widow in the attic and the Stretching Room reveal
Image: Disney
Haunted Mansion is kind of a ringer. Its purpose is to scare, and many of its happy haunts demonstrate devilish behavior. Two of the most frightening ghouls take center stage in the ride’s scariest moments. Somehow, the LESS demented sequence happens in the Stretching Room. While you watch pictures extend in height, revealing unpleasant outcomes for the subjects of each painting, an even more disturbing affair is revealed above you. The Ghost Host suggests that you take his way out…and he’s hanging from the ceiling. Gulp.
Somehow, the attic is that much creepier. We meet a widow with an on-the-nose name, Constance Hatchaway. This bride is a bit of a gold digger. Thanks to a few Imagineering tricks, we quickly learn that she’s unmarried by choice, and said choice wasn’t made by any of her late husbands. Apparently, Constance isn’t afraid to slash with an axe to receive an inheritance. Ladies and gentlemen, heed my advice. Do NOT marry this woman.
Jungle Cruise – All the Violence
Image: DisneyDuring its earliest days, Jungle Cruise was an admirable celebration of nature, the attraction that most resembled a safari travelogue. Over the years, it morphed into something more humorous and ridiculous. Along the way, a backstory emerged.
Folks, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but a lot of people die on this attraction. That giant cobra isn’t your friend. The abandoned camp overrun by gorillas is where lots of people suffered the same fate as Bruce Campbell in Congo. Those people who get “get the point in the end” are going to be gored to death. And that zebra ain’t sleeping, no matter what your Skipper tells you. Finally and most importantly, when you see the headhunter offering you a two-for-one deal, you’re staring a serial killer. He’s decapitated people, done some witchcraft to reduce the size of the heads, and is now attempting to coerce you to willingly sacrifice your life. This deal makes the poisoned apple offer seem less questionable.
The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh – The Heffalump Nightmare
Image: DisneyDid you know that bears can dream? And did you know that bears have nightmares, just like you and me? The difference is that we worry about the monsters under the bed. Winnie the Pooh’s terrors have a name.
They’re Heffalumps and Woozles, and he believes that they’re the biggest threat to his existence. These beasts could corner the market on honey, leaving him hungry and sad. We can’t have that because as we all know, there’s only room for one sad creature in Pooh’s Corner. That’s Eeyore!
Yes, during The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, creepy monsters from a fevered, LSD-induced dream are on full display. Even worse, these monsters are trying to starve a bear! We have the American Humane Association to avoid behavior like this.
Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride – A Literal Trip to Hell
Image: DisneyMr. Toad is a haughty squire with a penchant for the finer things in life. Whenever something seems decadently luxurious, the lord of the manor must possess it. His latest obsession is the automobile, and he acquires one that quickly becomes the bane of his existence.
The theme of Kenneth Grahame’s The Wind in the Willows is camaraderie with doses of forgiveness and redemption thrown in for good measure. Disney’s ride isn’t quite so forgiving. Once the narcissistic Mr. Toad’s life takes a turn for the worse, his love of fast cars becomes the source of his eternal damnation. Yes, I’m still talking about a Disney ride.
While everything happens in a blur, the second half of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride is a cautionary tale. First Mr. Toad commits all sorts of vehicular crimes, and then a judge sentences him to jail. Not one to respect the legal system, Mr. Toad breaks out thanks to his trusty vehicle…which he promptly crashes into a train. What happens next? We see the afterlife for Mr. Toad. Suffice to say that he is not in The Good Place. Yes, Disney dooms one of its most famous protagonists to Hell. It’s hard to get darker than that.
Snow White’s Scary Adventures – The Mirror Reveal
Image: DisneyWhat’s the first thing you teach children about interacting with others? You tell them not to take candy from strangers, right? Alas, you’re a better parent than Snow White’s mom. The most gullible of all Disney Princesses thought, “A creepy looking old woman wants to give me an apple! I will devour every last bite and maybe even the core!” Snow White’s so courteous that she refuses to behave dismissively even to haggardly people in darkened cowls, ones who act shifty and keep scoping the area to verify that there are no witnesses.
Snow White’s Scary Adventures cleverly plays on this premise. You’re happily riding along through a darkened corridor when you see two vultures. That’s a sign of good luck, right? Nope! They’re the harbingers of the impending danger in the next room. This ominous location shows a woman querying her magical mirror. When she turns around, you realize that you’ve been tricked by that disguised hag. She’s the Evil Queen! And she wants you to taste her apple! The villain on this ride is trying to poison her guests. It’s not the best way to get repeat business at Disneyland.
Twilight Zone Tower of Terror – Introductory Video
Image: DisneyWhen you enter the Twilight Zone, you’re tacitly accepting that some weird stuff is about to happen. Still, you can’t possibly be prepared for the horror awaiting you in the introductory video. It’s the sort of twisted stuff that sounds like a clickbait headline, only it’s true.
While watching the video, you learn the terrible truth about the tragic events that ruined the Hollywood Tower Hotel. Five people entered an elevator, only to end up trapped there forever. A pair of celebrities, a little girl, her nanny, and the bellhop experienced some sort of supernatural phenomenon that ended their lives and left their souls in eternal torment. Even Mr. Toad at least knows he’s in Hell. These unfortunate victims are in some sort of perplexing nether realm, where they lack true corporeal form. And that bellhop’s never getting his tip, either.
