Where’s one place on Earth that you can swing through New York, soar around the world, sail through the Caribbean, sing under the sea, and slide through Antarctica without leaving town? Of course, it’s Orlando… by all accounts, the theme park capital of the world. Thanks to Walt Disney World and Universal Orlando, Central Florida is the place where dark rides bring incredible stories to life using incredible classic, and cutting-edge ride technologies. But not all dark rides are created equal…
Today, we took the chance to look over the enormous portfolios of dark rides you’ll find scattered throughout the Orlando area. In this feature, we’ll list our choices for the best and worst Central Florida dark rides of some common types (like trackless, flume, and motion-based). Do you agree with our best and worst of Orlando’s dark rides? Which fantastic (or flubbed) attractions did we leave out? Or should one of our runners-up be awarded the “Best” award for some of these ride systems? We can’t wait to read your thoughts in the comments below!
1. TARGET-BLASTING DARK RIDE
THE BEST: Men In Black: Alien Attack
RUNNERS-UP: Toy Story Midway Mania
Despite their proliferation at regional amusement parks, “shoot-’em-up” dark rides are relatively rare among Disney & Universal Parks. Still, there are enough in Central Florida that some rise to the top while others just don’t feel quite the quality. Of the lot, Men In Black: Alien Attack manages to hit that early-2000s sweet spot before screens became the name of the game. It’s got a clever set-up, an impressive scale, and a compelling competition! It’s a great example of how the industry’s lean toward ‘interactivity” doesn’t always have to mean plotless flat-panel scenes populated by glowing LED targets. Men in Black is large, dimensional, and dynamic. Especially compared to…
THE WORST: Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin
In terms of Disney & Universal Parks, Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin practically invented the laser-blasting dark ride genre. The 1998 addition to Magic Kingdom’s Tomorrowland was the beginning of the end for the land’s short-lived 1994 “original mythology,” ushering in the Pixarification of Disney Parks. It’s not that Buzz is a bad ride at all; just that its blacklight, cardboard cut-out, “toyetic” style is about as dated as a “classic” can be… Almost every single “castle” park on Earth has a Buzz, but Shanghai’s version dropped the overt, day-glo “plastic sheen” in favor of something more dimensional. We’re hoping Pixar’s upcoming film Lightyear causes a similar reimagining in Orlando.
2. MOTION-BASE DARK RIDE
THE BEST: The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man
Runners-up: Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey
Arguably, even two decades after its debut, there’s no modern dark ride on Earth that can match the Modern Marvel: The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man. Debuting the iconic “SCOOP” ride system (which, it turns out, was dreamed up to compete with the Modern Marvel: Indiana Jones Adventure’s EMV), the ride is a masterclass in screen-based effects, physical effects, and the precision needed to mesh them together. Sure, the “Spider-Man” formula has been re-used on… well… basically every single Universal ride since… But this major player in the Age of the Simulator nonetheless holds up as a shockingly cool experience that defines Universal Orlando.
THE WORST: DINOSAUR
Sorry, folks, but this is most certainly one category where – at least in Orlando – Universal dominates. Disney famously did bring the motion-based EMV technology to Central Florida (and even carbon-copied Indy’s layout) but wrapped the experience as DINOSAUR. In our in-depth history of the Animal Kingdom ride, we weren’t sure whether to classify it as a Modern Marvel or a Declassified Disaster. After all, DINOSAUR is a ton of fun!
…But it’s also kind of a mess. Filled with uneven narration, oddly flat scenes, terrifying animatronics, abandoned effects, and lots and lots of pure darkness, the ride is just plain odd. Especially for industry fans who can’t help but compare it to Indiana Jones Adventure, DINOSAUR comes up short. But even for those who don’t, the ride doesn’t tend to be listed among favorites or classics. And given the cost (and the use of the otherwise-renowned EMV tech), that’s probably not the reaction Disney hoped for.
3. TRACKLESS DARK RIDE
THE BEST: STAR WARS: Rise of the Resistance
Runners-up: Mickey & Minnie’s Runaway Railway (Disney’s Hollywood Studios)
In Orlando, it’s pretty hard to compete with STAR WARS: Rise of the Resistance by any 21st century measure (except, maybe, its uptime). The ride is often considered a “next-generation” attraction in that the line between “queue” and “ride” is blurred, and the whole experience technically seeps into the larger mythology of Batuu. Its core, though, is certainly a trackless dark ride (and one where an Animatronic is right on board!) that serves as guests’ escape through the labyrinth of halls that make up the First Order’s Star Destroyer. Home to some of the Best Audio-Animatronics on Earth and a number of captivating physical effects, the ride is sort of a “best-of,” borrowing all the coolest tricks from Imagineering’s playbook.
THE WORST: Antarctica: Empire of the Penguin
Yes, Disney recently seemed to spoil their unending line up of awesome trackless installations with a very odd attraction in Japan, and we don’t love Universal’s Reign of Kong, but there’s still only one “worst” here in terms of major parks. Fans were aghast when SeaWorld Orlando – not Disney or Universal – announced that they’d open the first major trackless, LPS-based dark ride in the United States. Despite glowing concept art of joyful riders sliding around a bright, icy paradise, though, Empire of the Penguin didn’t quite land. It’s uneven, short, and ends with a pretty embarrassing “simulator” experience. While it would probably be a fun family ride at their Texas or San Diego park, set against the backdrop of Orlando? Yikes…
4. “OMNIMOVER” DARK RIDE
THE BEST: Haunted Mansion
Runners-up: Spaceship Earth
Though the Omnimover ride system officially debuted on Disneyland’s Lost Legend: Adventure Thru Inner Space, there’s certainly no more iconic use of it than as the Haunted Mansion’s “Doom Buggies.” The Omnimover is, by design, almost ethereal; gliding effortlessly and continuously through scenes. It’s part of what gives Disney’s Haunted Mansion a different feel than other spook houses. Rather than triggering pop-up effects as your single car passes alone through a scene, you’re instead an observer, watching as eerie sights and sounds unfold around you. The Haunted Mansion is, of course, an icon of Disney Parks, and even when Omnimovers became the de-facto ride system of EPCOT’s lost classics, it still remained the best use of the system.
THE WORST: Under the Sea: Journey of the Little Mermaid
It’s hard to pick a “worst” in this category, because there’s nothing at all that most guests would find at fault in Under the Sea: Journey of the Little Mermaid. As a matter of fact, it’s a fantastic family attraction that’s beautifully integrated into the park’s New Fantasyland. What makes it the “worst” are certainly some of those heady, Armchair-Imagineering nit-picks with it, like that it’s a textbook “book report” ride; that it misuses the Omnimover, placing guests into the role of mere “observers” in a singalong rather than actually being in Ariel’s story; that it’s Audio-Animatronics are… well… kind of “Uncanny valley;” that it famously lacks a finale, merely skipping over the film’s epic, cinematic, and dark-ride ready scenes.
Is Journey of the Little Mermaid a bad ride? Absolutely not. But set alongside the (relatively few) remaining Omnimover-esque rides in Orlando, it’s certainly the least adored by many.
5. LARGE-CAPACITY SIMULATOR
THE BEST: Flight of Passage
Runners-up: Soarin’, STAR TOURS: The Adventures Continue
It was the original Lost Legend: STAR TOURS that kicked off both the “Age of the Simulator” and the “Ride the Movies” era. But at least in terms of large-capacity simulators, AVATAR Flight of Passage at Disney’s Animal Kingdom is a pinnacle of both. Taking that which Disney learned from the grace and majesty of Soarin’ and merging it with the action and energy of Star Tours, Flight of Passage is a masterclass in making simulators emotional. It’s a captivating, colorful, powerful journey through the moon of Pandora. There’s just no question that Flight of Passage serves as a high water mark for what simulators can be… Which makes it so interesting that Orlando’s lowest example of the genre opened the same year…
THE WORST: Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon
When rumors began to suggest that Universal Orlando was looking into a “Race Through New York” attraction, many commentators imagined that the new attraction would be Universal’s version of Soarin’; that, in the style of Universal’s best “spoofs,” it would utilize a similar suspended hang-glider ride system and a jazzy score, merely trading the majestic vistas of California for the intentionally-comedic sights, sounds, and smells of the streets of New York, New York. Just imagine: gliding over 30 Rock’s ice rink as skaters duck out of the way, smelling pizza over Brooklyn and perfume on 5th Avenue, circling back for a view of the city from Lady Liberty… This Soarin’ send-off could’ve been both a comedic spoof of the city and a love letter to the cultural capitol of the United States!
Unfortunately, Race Through New York was merely the umpteenth ride at the park that hands riders 3D glasses, jostles them around in front of a screen, spritzes them with water, sends them incoherently rumbling through a CGI scene, then sends them packing. Universal Creative, if you’re reading this, we’d prefer the armchair-imagined version rather than the real thing…
6. FLUME-BASED DARK RIDE
THE BEST: Pirates of the Caribbean
Runners-up: Frozen Ever After, Splash Mountain, Jurassic Park River Adventure
If you’re an industry fan, you’ll hear time and time again that Magic Kingdom’s Pirates of the Caribbean pales in comparison to Disneyland’s. And okay, okay, yes, Disneyland’s is a classic masterpiece and a Disneyland-exclusive that should make Disney World fans jealous. But Magic Kingdom’s Pirates is still an amazing experience from beginning to end. Famously, the ride did not open with Magic Kingdom in 1971. (Designers had instead planned for a Frontierland-set Magic Kingdom-exclusive – the never-built Possibilityland: Western River Expedition until too many guests turned up at City Hall demanding to know where “the pirate ride” was, making executives rethink their plans and build Pirates instead.) So though it may not be as acclaimed as its Californian sister, Magic Kingdom’s Pirates is still one of the best dark rides of all time.
THE WORST: Journey to Atlantis
Poor SeaWorld gets another strike by way of its other attempt to take on Disney and Universal directly! When Journey to Atlantis opened in 1998, it really did have the makings of a Disney-esque dark ride. Inside the picturesque palace of Atlantis, guests were placed in the midst of a battle between good and evil, embodied by a golden seahorse spirit and an ancient siren. But uneven execution, faltering effects, and an increasingly unintelligible plot eventually overwhelmed the ride. The subject of its own, standalone Declassified Disaster: Journey to Atlantis feature, we dove into the troubling mess that the ride became before losing its characters, effects, and story entirely to become a leisurely sightseeing cruise through static dark ride scenes with characters merely unlit and frozen in place. Yikes.
7. COASTER WITH DARK RIDE ELEMENTS
THE BEST: Revenge of the Mummy
Runners-up: Expedition Everest, Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure, Harry Potter and the Escape from Gringotts, TRON Lightcycle Run(?)
Though it may not be everyone’s cup of tea (and while our Runners-up, below, are all close calls), the definitive “coaster with dark ride elements” in Orlando really has to be the Modern Marvel: Revenge of the Mummy. In all quantifiable terms a family coaster (including a lower speed, smaller drops, and the same height requirement as Expedition Everest), Mummy again occupies that glorious “pre-screen” era at Universal, brilliantly mixing animatronics, fire, projections, fog, synchronized on-ride audio, and a handful of special effects (including, for example, a backwards section, a 180-degree turntable, a surprise uphill launch, and a “fake unload station”). Revenge of the Mummy is really a gem in Universal’s crown, which means, yes, you should include it in your prayers every night in fear Universal will tear it out to replace it with whatever’s hot at the box office.
THE WORST: Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster
As we’ve said for a number of “worsts” on our list, Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith is in no way a “bad” ride, and if you can think of a dark ride / coaster hybrid in Orlando that’s “worse,” we’d be happy to hear you out. Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster does have a lot going for it. It’s, by far, the most thrilling coaster at a Disney Park outside of Disneyland Paris’ Space Mountain. It’s pure, adrenaline-packing fun. And if you love Aerosmith, it’s a headliner!
Okay, out of all the dark ride / coaster combos in Orlando, Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster is trying to do something different. It’s not trying to be a dark ride; it just happens to have blacklight, oversized, comically-exaggerated Los Angeles landmarks around its course. But when a clone of the ride opened at Walt Disney Studios in Paris in 2002, it dropped the blacklight cut-out props in favor of a highly-orchestrated, hypnotic light show synched to the coaster’s moves – an actually impressive dark ride-esque element!…
Even then, Paris’ version is long gone, giving way to an Iron Man overlay (which, before you ask, is not permitted in Orlando). In the new hyper-immersive, IP-focused world of Imagineering, it seems unlikely that Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith will last forever, but what could be done to transform this thrill-focused E-Ticket into a ride that matches the current direction of Hollywood Studios rather than the piecemeal soundstage-based former? Stay turned to Theme Park Tourist for our idea…
8. “STORYBOOK” DARK RIDE
THE BEST: Peter Pan’s Flight (Magic Kingdom)
Runners-up: “it’s a small world,” Frozen Ever After, ET Adventure, Journey of the Little Mermaid
No surprise here that the best storybook dark ride for families is comfortably at the center of Orlando’s storybook family park. Peter Pan’s Flight is, of course, an Opening Day original for Magic Kingdom and a fan-favorite. That’s probably why it’s one of the hottest tickets at the park, regularly earning lengthy wait times. Peter Pan’s Flight is joyful and simple, sending guests memorably flying over a miniature London then off to Neverland where scenes of mermaids, Indians, and pirates await. Even if it’s a classic, Disney has offered a lot of tender loving care to the ride over the decades, regularly adding contemporary flourishes that still keep the ride classic. And our pick for the “worst” storybook dark ride in Orlando could use that…
THE WORST: Cat in the Hat (Universal’s Islands of Adventure)
In designing Islands of Adventure and its literary lands filled with evergreen IPs, Universal’s nabbing of the rights to build attractions based on the timeless, iconic, and unmistakable works of Dr. Seuss was a major win. If Seuss Landing is Islands’ Fantasyland, then “Cat in the Hat” could be its Peter Pan’s Flight; a downright iconic dark ride through a beloved story, enjoyed over and over and over by families. Unfortunately, Cat in the Hat seems to have gotten approximately zero love since the park’s 1999 opening.
Even amidst its chaotic scenes, one look at the ride and it’s obvious that it’s rife with odd, incandescent spotlighting, weird expanses without music, mis-cued effects, bleeding audio zones and crackled speakers, fading paint, and half-animated figures that make it almost creepy. So yes, if Universal ever wants to truly match Disney, Seuss Landing needs at least two more rides (we’re all for a Jungle-Cruise style ride alongside Horton and the long-rumored Mount Crumpit family coaster with The Grinch). But an intentional and thoughtful refreshing of Cat in the Hat with improved lighting, animatronics, on-board audio, projection, and more would go a long way… Sure it’s just a family dark ride… But it’s the park’s only.
