Walt Disney was a patriot! He tried to fight with the Allies in World War I, but he was too young. When the United States entered World War II, Disney was in his 40s, a bit long in the tooth for battle. That didn’t stop him from aiding the Allied cause, though. Disney created a slew of heroic videos that informed the American people what they could do and how they could help. Dude wrecked the Nazis without using a weapon!
Walt Disney loves this country so much that his blood wasn’t just red. He bled blue and white, too!
When Walt Disney proposed the Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow, he didn’t pick some other county to host the city of tomorrow. Hell no! He chose America! He planned that sucker in Florida, God’s country. And after he died, no Disney employee was going to rob that red, white, and blue-blooded American of his dream!
Epcot was going to stay in Florida, and it was going to include a World Showcase full of pavilions honoring other countries. One pavilion was going to tower above them, though. Let’s talk about the most kickass Pavilion at Epcot, the American Adventure! And it’s going to have a lot of exclamation points because it’s about America! USA! USA! USA!
“We built America, and the process made us Americans!”
By now, you all know what forced perspective is. Disney’s park designers can make something look much bigger than it is. Uncle Walt signed off on the idea with Sleeping Beauty Castle at Disneyland, and it’s become a staple of parks around the world. The American Adventure doesn’t need any of that chicanery, though!
Americans are freakin’ huge! We know that size matters, but we don’t have to show off on the subject. We know we’re huge, and that’s enough. The American Adventure is the same way. It’s so massive that it uses the inverse version of forced perspective. This pavilion looks half of its actual size. From a distance, theme park tourists think that it’s only a couple of stories tall. Up close, people realize that it’s a massive five-story building! Let those other, smaller buildings act bigger than they are. America’s tough enough that we don’t need our pavilion to trick anybody. It’s awesome enough on its own!
“Thirteen very different colonies became the United States of America”
Image: DisneyWhat does the American Adventure look like? Imagineers built it in the only way that makes sense. It looks like the 13 colonies that broke away from the tyranny of King George III. Imagine colonial Williamsburg with an authentic Disney touch. That’s the theming here. And it’s so realistic that you might worry that the British are coming from several pavilions over. Don’t worry, though. You’re American. You can take them!
“Sure buy four of my apples, and I’ll loan ya back the ten cents.”
Image: DisneyYou’re an American! That means you’ve got money burning a hole in your pocket. If you wanted a savings account, you’d live in one of those Swiss places that has all the banks. Here, we spend all of our disposable income on shiny baubles that we don’t need. And then we charge a bunch more on credit cards! Why? Because we can! If we ever run out of money, we’ll just win another World War. We can have that attitude because we’re 2-0 when it matters, baby!
Anyway, my point is that if you like buying stuff, the American Adventure Pavilion has just the place! It’s called Heritage Manor Gift Shop, and it’s basically Disney multiplied by the Smithsonian. You won’t see that at Disneyland Paris! If you’re someone who likes tiny flags or trinkets that are red, white, and/or blue, this place is like the mothership calling you home. Go! Spend all your money! Don’t think of it as wasteful. Think of it as doing your part to boost the American economy!
“Our Philadelphia’s fine food and drink!”
Image: DisneyThe American Adventure isn’t one of those pavilions with all the hoity toity Table Service meals. If you want Gjetost cheese and Norwegian meatballs, you’re at the wrong place. You want that Swiss Miss place a few doors down. This is America, and we eat American cheese, dammit!
Our food isn’t about sitting down and taking tiny sips of wine that we spit into buckets! We eat like Walt Disney’s friend, Ray Kroc, taught us. That means we eat our food fast, and we prefer it fatty. The American Adventure respects that (shorter) life choice.
Liberty Inn serves real American food like real Americans eat in real parts of America. I’m talking about flyover states, of course. Nobody in Hollywood or New York City counts. I hear they eat with forks and knives there. In the parts of the country where the normal people live, we eat burgers and fries. And we wash it all down with cokes the size of full balloons. We’re a gassy, fat people, and the Liberty Inn food lets us be ourselves.
Sometimes, this joint even throws a steak on the menu! No other World Showcase pavilion has the guts to do that! They think it seems excessive. Not for Americans, though!
Still, when you eat here, you really only have two choices. Either you order the All-American Burger or you pick something else, which is the same as confessing that you rooted for Ivan Drago over Rocky Balboa. Eat a burger. Or admit that you’re a commie. Your choice.
Image: DisneyWould you rather eat “healthy”? Okay, that’s weird and un-American. Still, you’ve got another option if you want to do that. The Fife and Drum is a snack stand that offers you some turkey if you’re into leaner meat. Of course, they still do it USA-style! These drumsticks are roughly the size of your face. I presume that Disney has an underground lab that breeds some sort of genetic super-turkey with legs that rival those of NFL running backs. And they do this just so that we Americans can eat these giant legs!
That’s what happens when you have the greatest scientists in the world like America does. First, we invented the atomic bomb, then we went to the Moon, and now we’re just making gargantuan turkey legs for the fun of it. Being an American scientist is so damned great!
Oh, and the pavilion sells some giant funnel cakes, too. Why? Because you never know when an American might need some fried dough. The funnel cake place is here for the same reason that buildings have those “in case of fire, break glass” boxes. It’s for sugary dessert emergencies!
“Aye, and it will soon build a new concert hall for New York.”
Image: DisneyAmerica rocks! And sometimes, we Americans just want to Eat to the Beat. At other times, we want to enjoy a holiday Candlelight Processional. Maybe we even want to hear something that Sounds Like Summer or listen to a bit of Garden Rocks. Whatever we’re in the mood for, the American Adventure has us covered. Why? Because this pavilion rocks!
The outdoors stage called the America Gardens Theatre is host to a ton of concerts. Personally, I always get stuck with Starship featuring Mickey Thomas, but hey! They’re a classic American band, so it makes sense! The point is that this place rocks your face off, day in and day out, just like America.
On days when they’re not holding special events like festivals or holiday fare, Disney still hosts shows here. The American Music Machine is a five-piece acapella act that plays many of your favorite American rock classics plus a few hits from today. Music’s ingrained in our culture, and the America Gardens Theatre is the place at the pavilion where you can rock out like Alexander Hamilton would have wanted. Bang your head like a true American, my friend!
“I foresee the American Adventure to continue a long, long time!”
Just watch the video above. It’s as American as mom, apple pie, and Elvis’ gyrating hips! They show this video all the freakin’ time at the American Adventure! You should totally check it out next time you’re there.
Look, if you think Disney doesn’t play favorites with their pavilions, you’re kidding yourself. The next time you exit Future World and look at World Showcase, pay attention to the design. Disney honored the greatest country that has ever existed by putting its pavilion front and center among all the international pavilions!
The American Adventure is the southernmost place at Epcot and the center view past World Showcase Lagoon. All the other pavilions are off to the sides! There’s a reason why Disney gives it top billing. The country’s friggin’ awesome!
Now go light some fireworks and eat some barbecue. It’s what your founding fathers would have wanted you to do each and every day of your lives! USA! USA! USA!
