Now that we’ve established what your favorite Magic Kingdom ride says about you, let’s take a look at the other gates. Sure, Magic Kingdom is number one in your hearts (and ticket sales), but you probably spend more than half your time at the other three parks. So, here’s what your favorite attraction at the other three Walt Disney World parks says about you.
Test Track
Let’s just say there are a lot of points on your driver’s license. You love NASCAR. You have very strong opinions about people like Kyle Busch and Tony Stewart. You’ve also mastered video games like Forza and Mario Kart. You love the idea of owning a giant Detroit factory where you can make your own car, although it will unfortunately end up looking like The Homer. You don’t mind riding with the top down on the Interstate – and your hair reflects this. You also aren’t afraid to ride in cars with strangers – maybe you’re an Uber driver.
Soarin’
You love the idea of world travel and have big plans for 2016. To date, most of your adventures have occurred in California, though. You love the smell of oranges and the ocean breeze, owning a lot of candles that recreate those effects. Your favorite Seinfeld character is Puddy. You know you love hang gliding, whether or not you’ve tried it. You love riding the swings more than any child you know.
Mission: Space
Your favorite movie is The Martian. You’re a real button pusher. Your friends are sick and tired of you saying, “Houston, we have a problem.” You can do your job as long as it’s a single task. Otherwise, you’d probably wreck the ship and cost NASA billions. Your hardest choices in life come down to picking between the colors orange and green. You secretly look down on anyone who picks green. You angle to be selected captain in everything you do. It’s too much responsibility for anyone else.
Spaceship Earth
You often feel like eons pass by in moments. You feel like the evolution of mankind has been an uphill battle. Judi Dench is your favorite actor, recently supplanting Jeremy Irons. You enjoy imagining what your future will look like, although you dread the choices that come with it. Naps are your favorite, but getting off your feet for 20 minutes is great, too. You can’t quite explain why, but you associate specific historical events with certain smells.
The Seas with Nemo & Friends
You are a terrible babysitter. Sharks scare the stuffing out of you. Your DVR has a season pass for The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Sometimes you feel like you’re living in a Future World, but other days you realize it’s more like an aquarium. You are currently counting down the seconds until the release of Finding Dory. When you see a clam, you experience a strange sensation to climb in its mouth. Your favorite song is In The Big Blue World; that’s not healthy. On the plus side, every parent in the world should be as caring and protective as you.
Journey Into Imagination With Figment
You enjoy scatological humor, and lament about how great things used to be…such as previous iterations of Journey Into Imagination With Figment. You love Monty Python and are the rare fan who claims Eric Idle as your favorite. You buy any and all Disney merchandise. You love dragons, but in more of a Pete’s Dragon way than in a Khaleesi rain-fire-down-on-your-enemies kind of way. You love your children and would do anything for them. I mean *anything*.
Living With the Land
Get a haircut, hippie.
Star Tours
You have to go to movies you love on opening night, and you have a symbiotic relationship with your local Comic Book Guy. You have a shocking amount of money invested into your collectibles. Seriously, it’s the equivalent of the Gross National Product of a small country. You refuse to acknowledge that the prequels happened, and you call your friends liars when they remind you how much you used to say you loved them. You once loved George Lucas, but now you’re relieved that Disney owns all the stories he helped to create. Perhaps hypocritically, you make fun of anyone walking around in a Starfleet uniform.
The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror
Any time something eerie happens to you, you hear the voice of Rod Serling and mentally add the Twilight Zone theme song music. You are deathly afraid of elevators – or at least you should be. You have an unhealthy distrust of bellhops and never tip. You often wake from nightmares where you dream of falling. A friend tried to tell you that Night Gallery was just as good a TV show as Twilight Zone once…but only once. You never know if you’re going up or down – and that excites you. You feel a certain connection to Love in an Elevator, even though most people associate it with a different Hollywood Studios attraction.
Toy Story Midway Mania
You’re an avid gamer and your snack of choice comes from Pizza Planet. You treat Woody/Buzz debates the same way some people do “Tastes great/Less filling!” Carnies fear you for your prize-winning abilities. In your mind, there’s Pixar and everything else – and everything else is garbage. You enjoy talking to potatoes. There’s a snake in your boot. You miss Andy, but Bonnie’s pretty great. Suffice to say that your friends are an eclectic bunch. Finally, you fear your neighbor and with good reason. That kid’s a menace.
Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith
You’re a fast starter. You are 100 percent in charge of the tunes in your car. Your vehicle has the most expensive audio system of anyone you know – or don’t. I’m not saying you’re a groupie (*ahem Band Aid*) but all the groupies know you by name. Also, Steven Tyler has a restraining order against you. I’m not calling you old, per se, but you were already rocking in the 1970s and you’re still around today. Your music playlist is always on shuffle. Nobody will ever call you a one-hit wonder. There’s no polite way to say this: The rest of the band hates you, and you fight all the time.
Expedition Everest
You are an avid climber and have more than your fair share of horror stories that take place on mountains. The Bumble is your favorite character in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. You don’t care if something gets broken. You love it just as much anyway. During your trips to other continents, you collect every knickknack in sight. Winter is your favorite season. Sometimes you feel like you’re going backward at maximum velocity.
Kilimanjaro Safaris
You have a season pass to the zoo, and you visit enough that you have a favorite animal that recognizes you each time. No matter how many other car dealers offer you a better deal, you only drive Jeeps. Your cellphone camera is always at the ready since you never know when the opportunity to capture an action shot might arise. Your passport has tons of stamps on it. You didn’t always stay out late, but you recently decided that you want to be a night owl.
Kali River Rapids
You have a splashy personality, although some people describe you as a wet blanket. You’re a people person and love to carpool. You feel like you’re capable of being a lot better than you currently are. While you haven’t gone in for cosmetic surgery yet, you also recognize that a few small repairs couldn’t hurt. You always feel like your life is spinning out of control and that you could go off the rails at any point, but you never do. If you ever do break down, the fire department will have to come save you.
Dinosaur
Night of the Comet is your least favorite movie. The Toronto Raptors are your favorite sports team. Meanwhile, you root for the bad guys in Jurassic Park. You’re oddly fond of Chris Pratt even though you secretly hope to kill him one day. Anything involving a time machine has your attention, especially Doctor Who. If anyone ever confuses a T-Rex for an Allosaurus, you belittle them for making such an unforgivable mistake. You still know exactly where your childhood dinosaur toys are and any time your parents indicate they want to throw out the storage box, you grow indignant. Whenever you visit The Smithsonian, you feel like the mothership has called you home.
Primeval Whirl
Image: Disney
Please don’t take this personally, but you make me sick to my stomach.
