My friends consider me a Disney superfan. I’m a grown man without children who willingly spends his vacations at Disney theme parks rather than beaches or Las Vegas. I do this because I admire the Disney brand a great deal. I also happen to be an adrenaline junkie, which is why I love many other theme parks. I simply consider Walt Disney World the best of them.
Even the best of them stands room for improvement, though. Every ride can get better. Every attraction can benefit from a boost. Walt Disney himself believed this, noting that his theme parks will never finish “as long as there is imagination left in the world.” That’s the basis of plussing as a concept.
Imagineers take an attraction and work to enhance, thereby embracing the vision of Uncle Walt, their founder and spirit guide. Everything is fair game for the practice. To wit, the two most popular rides at Epcot, Soarin’ and Test Track, are ones they’ve reinvigorated over the past few years. A fresh coat of paint and a new randomizer system fundamentally changed the overall quality of Star Tours.
Plussing embodies the best part of Disney as the ruler of the theme park industry. If they’re not willing to rest on their laurels, who can? So, let’s take this opportunity to think about all the rides at Walt Disney World and identify the ones that could use an update. Here are three attractions Disney should plus.
1. Kali River Rapids
Image: Disney
This attraction represents the genesis of the article. I was spending the day at Animal Kingdom, and my friends and I approached our final FastPass+ selection. To our surprise, the ride was closed, and this was the reason. We adapted quickly to the changing circumstances by leaving the park and spending the rest of the day at Jambo House. While I rested in their majestic lobby, my curiosity got the best of me.
I started googling about Kali River Rapids, and I was shocked to discover several open secrets about the attraction I’d never known. The original intention for the area was a riding safari entitled Tiger Rapids Run, and the plan for it was familiar to people who understand the history of Jungle Cruise. Rather than have fictional animals on the journey, it was supposed to have real ones.
Unfortunately, the 1990s were a tumultuous time for The Walt Disney Company, and penny pinching occurred with rides. The grand vision for an Animal Kingdom water ride diminished into an unremarkable raft experience that’s derivative by any standard but especially for Disney. There was also a second reason. Park designers worried that the noise from people splashing on the rapids would scare away skittish animals.
The fix for Kali River Rapids is obvious. That’s to restore it to the original premise. It’s the same logic employed for the impending nightly safaris that were once considered impractical at Animal Kingdom. Now that the park is established and animals feel at home, some of the vision of Tiger Rapids Run is possible. Imagineers could easily update the path of its natural residents and change the landscape views enough that people on Kali River Rapids can witness their adventures while sloshing down the watery path.
Image: Disney
There are also some technical issues that need fixing on Kali River Rapids. Like the famous Yeti on Expedition Everest, some of the features on the water ride are broken but impossible to fix while it functions. There are also a few fire elements that were disabled, partially due to impracticality. It’s already scorching hot at Animal Kingdom, so fire isn’t optimal. It’s fun, though, and Disney needs to include this stuff while coming up with a satisfactory ventilation solution.
Kali River Rapids is one of the most enigmatic attractions at Walt Disney World, because it has never approached its original scope. Disney should prioritize plussing it. Unfortunately, with Pandora: The World of Avatar in the offing, all their hands are already on deck with other upcoming rides.
2. Mission: Space
Image: Disney
A few months ago, I listed Mission: Space as one of the five worst rides at Walt Disney World. Some of you took offense. Suffice to say that I struck a nerve or two. That’s the problem with saying how you feel sometimes. People take offense. That’s regrettable.
I don’t mean to imperil anyone’s love of Disney. I’m with you on the subject. I just don’t see some of the rides as reaching the quality that they should. It’s due to the financial outlay and time spent crafting them. Imagineers are the best in the world at what they do, but even they sometimes fall victim to constraints such as deadlines and unworkability. An idea in theory may not translate effectively to a wonderful attraction in execution.
That’s my perception of Mission: Space in particular. It features one of the most shocking histories of any Disney attraction at any Disney park. Two people have died on Mission: Space, both of them occurring during the same 12-month period. Disney execs demanded a less volatile version of the ride to satisfy the curious without jeopardizing anyone’s health. And the underlying problem with Mission: Space is simple. Once you’ve ridden it, there’s little incentive to repeat the process.
Image: Disney
During Mission: Space, four people experience the sensation of space travel via a trip to Mars. They also hit a button. Some lucky people even get to hit it twice! Other than that, the trip is identical every time. In the wake of The Martian, the novel and well-reviewed Matt Damon movie, there’s more interest than ever in this particular concept. And that’s precisely why Mission: Space needs plussing to bring it up to speed.
My suggestion for doing it is simple enough that the transformation would be quick. Randomize the obstacles faced during the trip in the same way that Star Tours operates now. Craft a series of ~10 new videos that demonstrate the trials and tribulations of space travel. Place two or three of each in a tier, again mimicking Star Tours. By adding issues such as failed life support, an engine malfunction, a potential asteroid collision, and a changed landing scenario on the surface of Mars, there’s real intrigue on each ride. In this manner, the same underlying dynamics of Mission: Space as a motion simulator remain, but the ride feels fresh and original each time.
3. Stitch’s Great Escape
Image: Disney
There is no ride at Walt Disney World that absorbs more criticism than the one involving Stitch. That’s strange, because Stitch merchandise is extremely popular. A ride involving this mischievous alien should engage all ages of fans, especially the young ones who respond so strongly to the many-armed alien dog…ish genetic creation.
One of the underlying issues is that this ride replaced ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter, a beloved ride that wasn’t based on any specific Disney property. Adding Stitch on top of this attraction makes sense from the perspective that branding a beloved dog-ish genetic creation with an already accepted attraction sounds like a masterstroke. In execution, it’s a square peg in a round hole instead. While Stitch’s Great Escape offers a few humorous moments and a bumpy ride that some enjoy, it’s just not very Stitch-like. In fact, he isn’t very visible during the in-the-round production, only appearing during a few key moments. Imagineers chose the route of less being more, but this particular Stitch superfan disagrees. More Stitch is always better.
Solving the problem of plussing Stitch’s Great Escape is simple. Split the two concepts in two. Bring back ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter or something like it, negating the forced character interactions. Return the ride to its roots as an unexpected first encounter with surprise visitor. It’s understandable why Imagineers felt Stitch would be a brilliant addition to the premise. It just didn’t work. Accept that and reboot with the original idea. Combine it with new technology to refresh the titular alien encounter. Ride traffic will quadruple if it’s good.
Image: Disney
With ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter redeemed anew, start from scratch on a Stitch ride that will do justice to the character. The problem with its current iteration is that the attraction fails to embrace the overriding theme of Lilo & Stitch. That’s not a misbehaving alien running loose on planet Earth, even though those parts of the movie are fun. Lilo & Stitch is about an ugly duckling finding a home. The oft-stated premise is pure. “Ohana means family, and family means that nobody gets left behind or forgotten.” A celebration of the film that lacks Lilo is a pure impossibility.
Stitch’s Great Escape can’t work, because it’s only half a concept. Stitch needs Lilo the way that jelly needs peanut butter. And they both need Elvis music as a backdrop. Disney should build an attraction from the ground up that features the wonderful backdrop of Lilo & Stitch’s world, the one they admired so much that they once mined it for four movies (no, really!) and 65 television episodes. Aulani, a Disney Resort & Spa and Disney’s Polynesian Village Resort embrace the character in various activities. Why is the current Stitch attraction such a shameless derivation of a wonderful concept? Give the Imagineers license to build something akin to Peter Pan’s Flight or Finding Nemo that sweeps the rider into that world rather than the current iteration that is Stitch-ish in name only.
So, what are your thoughts on plussing Walt Disney World rides? Which ones would you like to see improved? Please leave your thoughts in the comments section.
