Disneyland is almost an entirely different park than it was on Opening Day. Everything in Disneyland has been replaced, refurbished, or removed since its opening. You can see Walt’s original vision for the park, but only in small, scattered pockets. Main Street U.S.A. looks nearly the same, and maybe the castle, but they have changed. And if we’re being honest, that may be for the better.
The Disneyland of 1955 was astonishingly bare-bones. Any photo from that time will prove it. It was flat and muddy. None of the foliage looks, well, natural. Most of the park’s monuments– the Matterhorn, Space Mountain, what have you– aren’t even there yet.
That said, the Disneyland of 1955 had numerous attractions that didn’t last long before being replaced, refurbished, or removed (rest in peace, The Aluminum Hall of Fame). One of these attractions slightly outlived the others, a ride that few remember, and for good reason.
The Motor Boat Cruise to Gummi Glen
The Motor Boat Cruise, originally the Phantom Boats, was an unthemed leisure ride between Autopia and Fantasyland. It traveled around a river traversing the forgotten “Fantasyland Hills,” a series of unfinished mud mounds that eventually filled in with bushes and trees. It closed without fanfare in 1993, but not without an awful 1980s retheme.
The rethemed Motor Boat Cruise to Gummi Glen opened in 1991 alongside the Disney Afternoon Avenue. The ride took inspiration from the Gummi Bears television program that kept their cartoons relevant before the Disney Renaissance. While the “avenue” occupied the walkway between Fantasyland and it’s a small world, the Motor Boat Cruise served an appropriate purpose despite its off-to-the-side placement.
Between 1991 and 1993, the Motor Boat Cruise to Gummi Glen lured unsuspecting guests into a ride, somehow even worse than the original Phantom Boats. It was the absolute essence of Disneyland at its worst. Worse than Rocket Rods. Worse than the Superstar Limo.
What changed in the retheme? They added plywood cutouts of the Gummi Bears characters. Plywood. Not outdoor animatronics, not even plaster statues. Plywood. Maybe an effort like that could pass inside a Fantasyland dark ride, but Gummi Glen looked unmistakably cheap under the open sun.
Thank heavens the Motor Boat Cruise closed in 1993. It was wise to take that poor ride off life support and repurpose its funds for building Toon Town. The closure was surprising to none, but the fact that the Motor Boat Cruise lasted thirty-eight years is astonishing. Its longevity prompts the question– why does Disneyland hold onto outdated, uninteresting attractions like the Motor Boat Cruise for so long?
Nostalgia Over Innovation in Disney Parks
The farther the current Disneyland iteration reaches from its time under Walt Disney’s eye, the more executives may concern themselves with living up to his wishes. Disney’s “brand status” has stifled innovations in the name of nostalgia. For example, the Adventureland Treehouse might be a generic backpedal after shuttering the Tarzan theme. Disney has concerned itself with keeping Walt’s legacy that certain attractions that opened under his eye remain in operation where cutting-edge attractions could go…
For example, Autopia takes up a massive chunk of Tomorrowland’s real estate. The ride consumes a land plot of practically equal square footage as everything else in Tomorrowland. Other Disney parks have already removed their Autopia-like rides. Its versions in Tokyo and Hong Kong Disneyland are now E-Ticket attractions.
It’s not exactly pant-poopingly intense to ride, and its “Tomorrowland” status arose when interstate freeways were a fantastic idea, not yet a reality. Little did Walt know, freeways made driving around Los Angeles about as fun as filling out job applications.
Other midcentury attractions that operate today follow the same principle– boring, outdated, but Walt-approved. Almost nobody rides the Davy Crockett Canoes (oh boy, manual labor). Great Moments With Mr. Lincoln is always nearly empty– Cast Members should just set up air mattresses and pump up the AC instead of making us nap awkwardly in those godawful plastic theater chairs.
Disney, Nostalgia, and Victims of Good Marketing
Here’s the kicker: How many of us were really there when Walt was in charge? What are we supposed to be nostalgic about with leftover attractions? Disneyland designates millions to invent nostalgia. Sure, many of us grew up riding Haunted Mansion and Pirates of the Caribbean. However, it’s doubtful that guests attending Disneyland After Dark: Throwback Nite would be nostalgic for “treats that are inspired by the park’s early days, made once again just for this event!”
In such cases, we might be victims of good marketing, nothing more. Because Walt’s version of Disneyland is nearly invisible, a skeleton of a skeleton, the Walt Disney Company can create a legend around its origins. Uninteresting attractions like the Motor Boat Cruise (and its mediocre Gummi Bears overlay) carry reverence amongst Disneyland diehards primarily because they either rode it as a child or did not get to ride it at all.
Jean Baudrillard’s The Consumer Society; Myths and Structures notes that nostalgia consumption involves unimpressive reinventions of the past rather than accurate recreations of them, much like Disney’s reason to keep outdated attractions; “Children aren’t children anymore? Childhood is turned into something sacred.”
Outdated attractions remain because Walt Disney is a legendary figure, a loving specter that haunts everything his company does following his 1966 death. Forget his omnipresent anger with his employees and his McCarthy-era claims of communist opponents– his death marked his deification and cast his legacy in gold.
So what’s left of the Motor Boat Cruise? If you’ve sat and had a pretzel on the trellis across from the Matterhorn, you’ve sat in its former loading area. While a small pool of water remains, its waterways are dried out and turned into a large patch of grass and weeds.
Besides housing the Monorail track before it docks in Tomorrowland, the area is possibly the greatest waste of space in the Disneyland Resort. If you’re in the park one of these days, check it out and imagine how unimportant this ride might have been.
