The ogre is dead. Long live the ass next door.
With the alternately memorialized and memed closure of Shrek 4-D – as well as the altogether less noticed closure of Fear Factor Live – Universal Studios Florida is on the verge of its next major transformation. As goes the original park, so goes the resort. When Islands of Adventure opened in 1999, Men in Black: Alien Attack chased it the following year in an effort to steal back a little thunder from the shinier, newer neighbor. With Epic Universe looming on the blurry horizon – now confirmed to be opening ready for Summer 2025 – there’s not much time to get the gears turning for similar reclamation projects on either side of that grand opening.
In other words, there’s never been a better time to play armchair entertainment designer. The forums have been on fire. Social media can’t play the guessing games fast enough. Artists are rendering. Insiders are hinting. Prognosticators are prognosticating. Whoever wins, so do the future guests. But which attractions will they be lining up for? That’s what this article intends to determine. The following additions, revisions, and expansions have been making the rounds, some for years now, as the next possible steps for the resort. Each will be judged based on the likelihood of their arrival and, if at all likely, when they might be arriving. Either way, it’s all hypotheticals of hypotheticals at this point so take everything with a grain of Margaritaville salt.
Fraser-Free Revenge of the Mummy
This one hurts just to type.
Revenge of the Mummy closed on January 7th for its longest refurbishment in years, lasting until sometime in late summer. Intrepid reporter Alicia Stella already ran down the permitting clues for Orlando Park Stop, deducing some replacements to the coaster infrastructure and an awning for the outdoor queue ironically similar to the one Kongfrontation used to have. But the only rumor powerful enough to break the theme park news orbit came earlier in December, when she dropped the bomb that Brendan Fraser might be surgically removed from the attraction.
It hurts more to type that this is about as likely as rumors get.
The preshow loop and ride-ending video have been playing for 17 years. The plot they bookend, of an oopsie-daisy actually haunted film set, is understood mostly by inertia at this point. If you haven’t watched that loop, good luck now, even if Universal does keep it around. It only plays in the “backstage” area just past the façade and, if you manage to visit between merchandisable holidays, the extended queue usually swallowed by a Tribute Store. Even hour-plus waits won’t see the whole thing, leaving the climactic death(?) of Brendan Fraser as a standard-definition non sequitur. Emphasis on “standard-definition.”
In audio-visual years, the media is ancient. There’s a reason those recent projector upgrades were immediately noticeable to even the least-trained eyes. Sadly, there’s only so much an HD upscaler can do.
It can’t, for instance, make a decades-dead franchise timely, millennial nostalgia notwithstanding. Rumors swirled in 2017 that Creative was actively developing an overhaul to keep the attraction in line with that year’s Tom Cruise-starring reboot. Poster art pressed along the ride’s exit ramp turned out to be the only public-facing evidence of any such project. But as inconsequential (and brief) as that tie-in was, it’s still enough smoke to call a fire – Universal just needs a reason.
If it can’t find one soon – and no Mummy reboot has been announced yet in the Blumhouse age of Universal Monsters – the best reason would be to make sure they don’t need a reason and nix the cinematic connection entirely. It already worked in Hollywood and Singapore. All it would take is a few remodeled rooms of the queue and a new finale, really the most tantalizing mystery here, to make Revenge of the Mummy Fraser-free.
However.
Few celebrities have seen such a renaissance of public support and professional success in recent years than Brendan Fraser. He’s already worked with directors Danny Boyle and Steven Soderbergh. He’s currently working with Martin Scorsese and dipping his toe in cinematic universes with Batgirl. He is back and he is beloved. That’s more than enough for see-what-sticks scoop websites to report that Universal is considering him for a Mummy comeback. While that’s a shot in the dark until proven otherwise, the second coming of Brendan Fraser may be reason enough to keep him around the ride. Even if he does disappear from Revenge, as the smart money would indicate, he may just as quickly return, if only on a movie poster.
Jurassic World: The Ride
The 2019 opening of Jurassic World: The Ride kicked off an ongoing revitalization of Universal Studios Hollywood. Then came the pandemic-delayed Secret Life of Pets: Off the Leash! Next up is Super Nintendo World and Mario Kart. On the other side of that, rumors are already drawing crosshairs over Revenge of the Mummy.
One of those is a lock for Epic Universe. The other is perhaps the most-requested addition to Universal Orlando, to be discussed in further detail ahead. But what of the dinosaurs?
The River Adventure veterans have certainly seen better centuries. There’s only so much an annual refurbishment can handle. Ultrasaurus necks can only bend so far, for so long before hydraulic arthritis sets in. As for the carnivores, the spirit is still willing, but the actuators are weak. Such is the life cycle for mostly outdoor, permanently damp robots.
And that would be enough to double-time the makeover if Velocicoaster wasn’t right across the sidewalk.
Despite the obvious thematic unity of a Jurassic World land, the newest thrill ride on property ensures that, at least for a few years, nobody’s going to mind the difference. What the average guest would mind is if the only people-eating, people-pleasing classic within walking distance disappeared for any length of time until those crowds die down. And that’s not factoring in the amount of time, effort, and capital it would take to bring the Jurassic Park house style – thatched roofs and red timber – up to Jurassic World’s brutalist code. Universal also just spent hundreds of millions of dollars on one addition to this area. A second so quickly wouldn’t make sense, given some of the other, squeakier wheels around the Islands.
As it stands, both Orlando and Hollywood now have one-of-a-kind attractions based on Jurassic World. Converting the River Adventure to match would only hurt both coasts, on a global scale, even.
Speaking of…
Jurassic World: The Other Ride
As the first videos and snapshots leaked out of Universal Studios Beijing, Jurassic World Adventure quickly became the spectacle to beat.
Adapting the time-honored lizard-gets-loose plot to the equally time-honored Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man ride system allowed Creative to finally do what it never could on water – at long last, the dinosaurs can chase the cars. That full-size Indominus Rex taking full-size strides announced a new high-water mark in robotic animation. Naturally, wishfully, that got people thinking.
Will Jurassic World Adventure ever make it to Florida?
No, not within any fathomable timetable.
For one thing, it’s got nowhere to go.
The expansion pad originally slated for its Jeep ride predecessor is now occupied by Skull Island: Reign of Kong. If Universal ever decides to undertake the Herculean task of leveling the River Adventure and starting from scratch, that rouses the unified-land headaches. Assuming it did end up in Islands of Adventure, the attraction would be sandwiched between The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man and Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey, two hall-of-famer forebears that have yet to age a day.
And so, goes some of that wishful thinking, it should be moved to Epic Universe with a dedicated Jurassic World land.
Velocicoaster kills that idea stone dead and what little we know of the Epic tenants is enough to bury it. There’s no reason for Universal to attempt a switcheroo, building a new Jurassic Park land elsewhere in Orlando and converting the existing area into Jurassic World. At best, you’d have both guest service counters ten-bodies-deep with tourists complaining they couldn’t find the right dinosaur ride.
An expanded Jurassic World would make a swell addition, in part due to Universal Orlando’s ongoing lack of a quasi-futuristic area, but it’s just not in the cards anytime soon. The technological advancements of Jurassic World Adventure, however, are already on the way.
Secret Life of Pets: Off the Leash!
It’s easy to forget that Off the Leash! is Universal’s first animatronic-heavy dark ride in the States since Men in Black: Alien Attack and, before that, E.T. Adventure. Though reviews and reports have been hobbled slightly by the ongoing pandemic, all signs point to it being a winner. At the very least, the internet wants more.
It’s charming. It’s family-friendly. It’s got plush toys to spare, some of which are already packing shelves in Wossamatta-U. Can’t miss, right?
Consider the tragic tale of Kung Fu Panda: The Emperor’s Quest.
When Universal Studios Hollywood’s Shrek 4-D moved on to the big swamp in the sky in 2017, there were high hopes for its replacement. After all, even four years ago, Shrek was getting a little long in the earstalk. The DreamWorks Theatre opened the following year as a flex space done to the nines, ready-built to cycle the studio’s stable of characters. Kung Fu Panda was first in line.
Everyone waited for the announcement that Florida would follow suit, turning Soundstage 4D into a less-permanent effects-show venue. A misfired tweet from the official Universal Orlando account just months before the opening of Hollywood’s replacement seemed to spell convenient enough doom.
To date, the only other park to play that film was Motiongate Dubai and they had it two years earlier.
So what happened?
Nothing. The mutedly positive reception of the Hollywood addition might’ve had something to do with that, but who knows? The point is that the obvious move wasn’t.
It’s clear at this point that Secret Life of Pets is not moving into Soundstage 4D. There’s little evidence beyond convenience to believe the abandoned Toon Lagoon amphitheater is where it’ll land instead. Universal Studios Florida has two animatronic-heavy dark rides. Islands of Adventure makes due with The Cat in the Hat. When Off the Leash! opened in Hollywood, the park had been without an all-ages dark ride for 18 years. Neither of the Florida parks have such a problem nor will Epic Universe.
With most of the attention between now and that grand opening likely to be spent – already being spent – on the older gate, there’s not much reason to believe Universal will ship this over anytime soon.
An expanded Jurassic World would make a swell addition, in part due to Universal Orlando’s ongoing lack of a quasi-futuristic area, but it’s just not in the cards anytime soon. The technological advancements of Jurassic World Adventure, however, are already on the way.
Minion Park
What is coming soon is Minions, Minions by the soundstage.
Universal wasted no time giving up the ghost about its Shrek 4-D replacement, slapping Minions graffiti on the construction walls overnight. The art confirms rumors that Orlando Park Stop has been whispering since 2018. Whether it is, as predicted, an attraction based on the Villain-Con event from 2015’s Minions remains to be seen. For now, that little hint is enough to get another, bigger rumor mill churning.
At last count, Universal Orlando is the only company outpost without a Minion-centric land on the map or drawing board. Japan has Minion Park. Singapore is supposed to get one eventually. Hollywood has Super Silly Fun Land. It doesn’t take an evil genius to notice which dot remains unconnected.
With Despicable Me Minion Mayhem and the new Minion experience soon to take up two-thirds of Production Central, the obvious move would be to annex the rest of it, paint it yellow, and make it vaguely pill-shaped. Then again, in regards to obvious moves, see above.
The former Lucy – A Tribute museum, now split between Betty Boop and Hello Kitty merchandise, would make for a larger dedicated merchandise space than the exit of Minion Mayhem. The Classic Monsters Cafe now carries undue weight as the only representation of Frankenstein and friends outside the Horror Make-up Show, but it’s been bearing that load for 23 years. The area needs a cafeteria no matter who’s standing on the roof, but it’s not hard to imagine shorter mascots spinning over the Icee stand.
At least what’s left of the view might be a little clearer.
When the park opened, guests could see clean from the studio gates all the way down to the – can it be? – New York skyline. It was another movie magic trick, arguably the first any visitor ever witnessed. Today, that magic trick looks more like an interstate exit. A roller coaster blows the forced perspective. The Monsters take turns hocking their wares. Not to mention the other assorted leaners-in like Jimmy Fallon and those pesky Minions. The clutter isn’t necessarily a complaint – Universal Studios Florida hasn’t been about pulling back the curtain in a long time – but it is a growing pain, still growing and still painful.
Universal Studios Florida needs a new front end. Not the gates, but the concourse just past them, Production Central on down the Plaza of the Stars. In 1990, the faux-front lot aesthetic was novel. Disney-MGM Studios opted for the famous “Hollywood-That-Never-Was” style. Though it didn’t match the livewire excitement of being so close to the action, that strategy certainly won the war.
A Minion Park makeover is certainly a solution but looked at with any scope, a solution in the sense that a band-aid fixes a broken bone.
The venue formerly known as the Blue Man Group Theatre stands vacant, as easily walkable as Nickelodeon was so many years ago. Using the Incredible Hulk’s retracking as a reference, Hollywood Rip Ride Rockit will be reaching its obsolescence around 2025. Would Universal re-purchase a coaster that never matched it in fandom or iconography, and that has run ragged since opening day? It remains to be seen, but the pieces are all there for a dramatic restructuring of the entrance as we’ve known it for 22 years.
The new Minions attraction will lend some thematic unity by default, but it’s worth remembering what it seems to be. Permits and word of mouth paint a stand-through experience using moving walkways, inobtrusive enough to leave the HHN-reliant second theater functionally intact. On its own terms, that doesn’t sound like an especially permanent addition.
As anything other than a holding pattern overlay, Minion Park is just a different way to muddy up and already messy corner of Universal Orlando.
Fear Factor Live Replacement
There are no carelessly placed bananas to hint at whatever’s happening to the former Fear Factor Live arena, although a peel or two would’ve been nice to at least let people know it was dead. The space has been on the chopping block multiple times. It’s imminent demise is so regular that anyone with a forum account would hold their breath around Halloween Horror Nights on reflex. But the demolition permits have finally, unmistakably tolled.
The hot rumor is that the quietest side of Universal Studios Florida will be absorbed by the London façade, complementing Diagon Alley with another Harry Potter-based attraction. Without getting too far into the weeds with its provenance or ride system – word is it’s a VR experience originally designed for Epic – this is just shy of a sure thing.
Put bluntly, what else is Universal going to do with it?
The amphitheater structure is coming down, ruling out a replacement show or augmentation to fit a bigger one. If a new arena was built from scratch, it would presumably have to play ball with either London or World Expo. The James Bond ship already sailed and a different superspy sank it. Though the exposition theme used to encompass the Institute of Future Technology and the International Food and Film Festival, now it only excuses the convention center across the lagoon, and Men in Black: Alien Attack isn’t getting any younger.
Short of wiping out the best shoot-em-up in Orlando and building a whole new land, the smartest move, maybe the only move, is to hand over the arena to the wizards. Whatever they do with it, it’s about time.
KidZone Replacement
The world’s largest Rorschach test. Some look at it and see an obvious Nintendo land, equally confident it’s either Pokemon or the Mario-centric area backslid off the Epic Universe plans. Others swear they see the Kung Fu Panda land from Beijing or a SpongeBob SquarePants land or…or…etc.
As close as this dead-end once was to the wrecking ball – close enough to call for rerouted HHN queues – there’s no reason to believe change is coming soon. The permits point elsewhere. The rumor mill hasn’t slowed down but it also hasn’t spit out anything new or of note in a while.
For now, presumably until the new campus opens and then some, KidZone will endure. It’s just too strong for conventional weaponry or IPs to take down.
