Walt Disney World is not a museum. As a Disney fan, that is an important fact to confront. The parks do not exist simply to honor our own nostalgia and memories – in fact, they are meant to continually update themselves such that they can be enjoyed by kids and adults of all generations.
For that reason, Disney sometimes has to remove perfectly operational attractions to make way for something newer and greater. If You Had Wings must make way for Delta Dreamflight, which in turn must make way for Buzz Lightyear Space Ranger Spin. The attraction circle of life is an ecosystem all to itself, giving guests new thrills to enjoy year after year.
But, sometimes, there are attractions that fans grow attached to, and which rise above their lot in Disney life to become something much greater. These cult hits often aren’t headliners like Space Mountain or Spaceship Earth, but rather, tell smaller-scale stories via C-ticket mechanisms. These are the rides that probably don’t sell many tickets to Walt Disney World, but do keep guests happy once they’re there.
In years past, Disney has on occasion closed such attractions. Famously, guests protested the closure of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, a beloved dark ride in Fantasyland. But, that protest was moot, and Disney replaced the ride with the quite-charming Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh – which has been around ever since.
Disney would be foolish to remove any of the following attractions wholly – but, you never know. Here are five attractions worth protesting for should Disney ever decide to remove them.
Tomorrowland Transit Authority
Image: Jennifer Lynn, Flickr (license)
Some rides induce thrills in their audience, and others put on a spectacle. Tomorrowland Transit Authority does neither, and yet, it has developed a rabid fanbase devoted to the notion that attractions can provide something more than screams and laughs. If you’ve ever ridden the so-called PeopleMover, you likely understand the sensation – briskly gliding along the elevated pathway over Tomorrowland – but it can often be hard to describe to someone unfamiliar with its intrinsic joy.
What makes the Tomorrowland Transit Authority so great? Is it the simple ride mechanism, using electromagnets spaced at certain intervals to accelerate and decelerate the vehicle? Is it the inside peek at Space Mountain in operation? Is it the view of the Epcot model Walt Disney himself commissioned?
In some ways, it’s all of the above. But, more importantly, what makes the Tomorrowland Transit Authority so beloved is its relaxed rhythm-breaking pace. A trip to Walt Disney World can feel like an exercise in schedule-making and military precision, and having a ride that seems to reward a kind of mindless Zen meditation is a nice change. It would be a shame if Disney ever tried to take out the Tomorrowland Transit Authority. There is no doubt its replacement wouldn’t be in the same league.
Peter Pan’s Flight
Image: Disney
It’s rare to find an attraction at Walt Disney World that feels like it was plucked straight from Disneyland circa 1955. Most try to do something more bold, taking full opportunity of the space afforded to the Orlando park and the updated technology present in the 1970s and beyond that was unheard of when Disneyland first opened. Peter Pan’s Flight is, in a way, a throwback – a kind of homage to how attractions used to be.
Walt Disney World doesn’t have too many attractions with that same simple aesthetic. The flying ships that act as vehicles, the simple lighting effects to simulate the streets of London in tiny form down below, the brilliant overhead track that’s concealed enough to make you feel like you’re just in the smallest bit of danger – the ride is simple thrills that delight all ages.
It is the perfect bridge between Disneyland and Walt Disney World – a handing-of-the-baton from one style of Imagineering to another. It’s rare to find someone who doesn’t love Peter Pan’s Flight, even if they can’t stand the hour-long wait for it. It’s not a headliner in the same way Pirates of the Caribbean or the Haunted Mansion are, but it’s not a tertiary attraction either. It’s the rare must-do attraction that doesn’t have anything particularly special about it, and which you can find a handful of approximations of at Disneyland, but you can’t picture Walt Disney World without it.
Liberty Square Riverboat
Why does the Riverboat exist? It doesn’t go anywhere in particular. It doesn’t have a particularly interesting show to put on for you. There aren’t any must-see effects, and there isn’t a story being told. Yet, it’s hard to picture the Rivers of America without that large steamship making its voyage.
When you experience the Liberty Square Riverboat for the first time, it almost feels like you’ve discovered a secret. The way the ride ventures back behind Big Thunder Mountain Railroad and even beyond the back end of Tom Sawyer Island gives you a sense of real exploration – like it’s a real steamship navigating a real river, with the real Samuel Clemens shouting out instructions.
It takes up an awful lot of space for an attraction that has no story and exists primarily to offer incredible photo opportunities of other rides. And yet, it’s one of those attractions that Disney needs to operate in order to give guests a balanced experience in the parks. It’s not enough to ride thrill ride after thrill ride. Sometimes, you need something more leisurely.
Yes, it takes up a lot of space, but it’s space that’s well-used. You can’t picture Disney closing down the Riverboat permanently, but if they did, it’s cause for protest.
Gran Fiesta Tour
When the Mexico pavilion first opened, it included a small boat ride that many thought was a kind of knock-off version of It’s a Small World called El Rio Del Tiempo – the River of Time. It told the story of Mexico’s history, from ancient Mayan settlements to modern city life. Then, in the 2000s, Disney decide to breathe some new life into the attraction, adding an overlay featuring the Three Caballeros.
Disney managed to pull off an upset – adding the animated characters without removing the exploratory heart of the attraction. The iconic opening to the ride, featuring the great pyramid and the San Angel Inn restaurant, was left largely untouched, and the only added scenes spiced up the incredible set pieces that already existed.
The Mexico pavilion is one of Imagineering’s finest works, evoking a highly-specific sense of place. It is a glorious tribute to one of America’s closest neighbors, and Gran Fiesta Tour is a fun and respectful continuation of that sense of place. It’s the unique ride that never feels like it takes you to a different place, because the ride’s queue and immediate area are so well-themed, you wouldn’t want to escape it anyway.
It’d be hard to remove Gran Fiesta Tour entirely without removing the Mexico pavilion itself. That would be a terrible mistake, and one we’d all need to mobilize on to prevent.
Impressions de France
Image: harshlight, Flickr (license)
Before there was Soarin’, there was Impressions de France. A weird 18-minute visual poem dedicated to the natural and cultural beauty of France, this semi-circlevision film looks every bit like it was made in 1982. But despite its obviously dated aesthetic, it is as powerful a piece of art as any Disney has made in its history.
Using a score made up primarily of classical works by famous French composers (arranged by master Imagineering musician Buddy Baker), the film showcases dozens of gorgeous French towns, cities, and natural wonders. It is a towering work, and its finale is as impressive a crescendo as anything you’ll find in the Disney Parks.
But, it’s also something of an aberration. Tucked away in the France pavilion at Epcot, Impressions de France isn’t a ride, nor does it include a reference to some Disney animated movie or character. It exists solely to be beautiful and to inspire guests. Ambitious and artsy works like that generally don’t lend themselves to mass-market theme park experiences, and yet, over 30 years later, Impressions de France is still chugging along.
Disney can’t remove it. Even in the construction of their new Ratatouille ride, they made sure to leave it be. But, if they do, I’d be the first one there to handcuff myself to the seats.
