A visit to a Disney theme park is intended to be a magical experience. Alas, some thoughtless individuals can ruin a good time for others. Frequent theme park tourists are likely nodding their heads in agreement right now as a few types of guests spring to mind. Don’t be those guys! Here are the nine types of Disney visitors who are the absolute worst!
Line Jumpers
Disney has expended so much time and energy perfecting the science of line queues. They want guests to have confidence that they’re waiting in line the absolute minimum amount of time possible. Disney even enhances its waiting areas with exceptional theming in order to build a comfort level for guests. And all of that goes out the window when a single idiot tries to jump the line.
Look, you went to elementary school. You know the basics about the social contract. You know that trying to cut into the line is obnoxious. All you’re doing is irritating a stranger, placing them in that awkward situation where they either confront you or stew silently. When you’re forcing someone to escalate or feel impotent, you’re being a TERRIBLE human being. Line jumpers are the worst!
Guest Services Abusers
Disney cast members receive the ultimate in customer service training. Their goal is to solve every possible issue for theme park tourists. They’re not supposed to say no to park guests…and I mean ever.
Some twisted individuals know that Disney discourages its employees from this behavior. They abuse the system by asking for impossible discounts, FastPasses, Advanced Dining Reservations, front-of-the-line access at character meetings and much more.
Occasionally, you may run into one of these people on a message board. Stop and read in horror as these weirdos brag about all the ways they’ve manipulated Disney over the years. You’ll feel astounded by the sheer temerity of Guest Services Abusers, but that’s not even the worst part. The cost of these cheaters is a business expense that Disney has to pass along to you, the honest theme park tourist. It’s a sickening situation.
Cast Member Beraters
What’s worse than someone trying to cheat a Disney cast member? Some jerks yell at them. And that’s really not cool. Disney cast members are some of the nicest people who ever lived. They intentionally take less money to work a place where they can make a difference in the lives of strangers. Cast members go out of their way to demonstrate generosity and thoughtfulness countless times each week. They’re the gold standard in employee behavior.
Those of us who understand the greatness of cast members have a strong emotional attachment to them. There’s nothing we hate more than watching some idiot yell at a Disney employee over something utterly beyond their control…like rain. Yes, I’ve seen somebody blame Disney for the weather. Some folks grow irrational when their dream vacation doesn’t go as planned. And they take out that frustration on the people best able to help them. It’s not just mean and petty; it’s also shortsighted.
Whenever you’re having a bad time at Disney, just tell a cast member. They’ll try to sprinkle some pixie dust on the situation and make everything better.
Child Beraters
Image via Flickr user coljac
Image: Flickr (license)
What’s worse than watching someone yell at an adult employee? You guessed it! There’s no worse feeling at Disney than seeing a child cry. Every kid should have the vacation of a lifetime at a Disney theme park. Sometimes, the stress of such a seminal trip gets to the parents, though. They freak out in the unknown surroundings, and an upset child only magnifies the problem.
The end result is that parents wind up yelling at small children. Literally nobody knows the proper way to behave when forced to watch this situation. It’s uncomfortable, depressing, and even infuriating, depending on the level of tantrum. If a kid gets upset at Disney, that’s understandable. When the parent is the one yelling and screaming at their offspring, that’s a loss for humanity.
Stroller Maniacs
Question: Do you ever run anyone over with your car? How about your bicycle or motorcycle? Do you even target people with your shopping cart at the grocery store? Of course not. These are all various degrees of mean-to-homicidal behavior.
Why, then, do you think you’re perfectly within your rights to aim your giant stroller at the legs of strangers? Are you secretly trying to see if you can knock them flying into the air like you’ve watched happen in a cartoon? Are you a leg surgeon looking for more business? People’s knees, shins, and ankles aren’t targets, Stroller Maniacs! They’re rather important parts of the body. You can easily steer your vehicle away from these ligaments. It only takes a split second more time. Plus, you may have forgotten, but YOUR BABY is in that stroller. They’re not going to like a head-on collision, either! WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN???
Close Standers
Okay, this issue is sometimes cultural. I understand that people who live in open spaces such as the desert prefer more personal space while those who live in giant metropolitan areas are used to limited personal space. Still, let’s all agree on some common ground here. If a total stranger can feel your breath on their neck, you’re standing too close. It’s not a big deal, as long as you realize the issue and fix it. And the fix is simple!
Take two steps back. That’s it. Problem solved. Sure, the lines at Disney are long at times. You may feel like you’re closer to the front of the line by getting up close and personal with the individual standing in front of you. In reality, you’re holding the same spot in line no matter where you stand, though.
Unless karma is feeling mercurial that day and pits you, the Close Stander, against a Line Jumper, your spot is secured. All you do by inching up on the person in front of you is make them wonder if they remembered to bring the mace. Don’t get maced at Disney, Close Stander. You won’t enjoy the fireworks if your eyes are burning.
Shoulder Holders
Speaking of fireworks, let’s talk about the various special events at a Disney theme park. The parades, outdoor shows, and fireworks are heavily attended events. Guests arrive early in order to find the perfect spot to catch the show. That level of preparedness falls apart when a parent – or even worse, someone on a date – boosts someone up on their shoulders.
Suddenly, you’re staring at a kid’s legs or someone who looks like they’re practicing to become the chicken fighting champions of their pool. It’s beyond aggravating. More importantly, it’s disrespectful. If you want someone else in your party to have a better view, take the time to verify that you won’t block anybody else’s view. If you will, move somewhere else. It’s the decent thing to do.
Epcot Drunks
Image: DisneyLook, my best guess is that 70 percent of foot traffic at the World Showcase at night depends on alcohol. Without a few potent potables, nobody’s going to hang around the Morocco Pavilion to admire the tapestries (which is regrettable, but that’s an argument for another day).
Theme park tourists go to the World Showcase to drink. That’s been the case since 1982, and it’s never going to change. We’re all fine with it, too! Even teetotalers admire the back of the park for its constant energy and bustling (early) nightlife. We all want the party to keep going until the park closes…and then a few hours after that.
Just, you know, have some limits. When your binge drinking requires Disney employees to shout, “Code V!,” you should have stopped at least two rounds ago. Don’t be that guy. Know your limits and maybe get a breathalyzer app for your phone. And speaking of phones…
Zombie Phone Users
Image via Flickr user Mike Miley
Image: Flickr (license)
What’s the rallying cry of older theme park tourists at Disney? “Put down your phones!” Now, Disney clearly disagrees with this notion, at least to an extent. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have built the My Disney Experience app to take care of so many park-related issues like Advanced Dining Reservations and FastPass selections. That’s still no excuse for the sheer volume of people who wander aimlessly, staring at their phones rather than the oncoming traffic. Stroller Maniacs, why aren’t you targeting Zombie Phone Users instead of innocent people?
Look, my wife plays Pokemon. I’m not judging here. I understand that Magikarps aren’t readily available in landlocked area. When you’re at a Disney theme park, you have a rare chance to catch them all. And lots of other phone apps and games pass the time during a long line. Phones are a part of our culture today. They let bored individuals browse the internet or text friends. It sounds great until phone users start causing traffic pileups.
You know the incidents I mean. A Zombie Phone User walks haphazardly, accidentally bumping into someone holding food. Suddenly, the Happiest Place on Earth has sticky drinks all over the ground, and everyone’s cranky about the cause. The situation causes moods to spiral downward, unintentionally leading to a couple of the temper tantrums mentioned above. And it’s all so avoidable. Only use your phone when you’re standing relatively still. The Pokemon will still be there for you to catch!
Zombie Phone Users are the worst problem at Disney theme parks right now.
