What if the very first Disney theme park was being built today?
Would the classics make the cut?
For most of Disney’s iconic attractions, the answer just might be “no!” That’s why today, we’re taking a close look at eight major hurdles today’s Disney Parks leadership might have a hard time getting over, and the eight (or more!) beloved, fan-favorite attractions that would probably NEVER get the green-light today.
1. “It’s a roller coaster in the dark? … That’s it?”
Image: Disney
CASE STUDY: Space Mountain
It was Walt Disney himself who first dreamed up the idea of an enclosed roller coaster through space – which he called “Space Port” – as the centerpiece of the New Tomorrowland his designers were working on in the 1960s. He even enlisted the legendary Imagineer John Hench to draft the first sketches of what it might look like. We traced the complete history of the Tomorrowland classic in its own feature, Modern Marvels: Space Mountain, but the long and short is that the thrill ride aligned perfectly with where pop culture was in the ‘60s, just as Americans’ fascination with the Space Race ramped up.
Image: Joe Pennison, Flickr
It’s not even that executives today would request a Wall-e or Thor tie-in (though they might)… It’s that they wouldn’t get the concept at all. An almost-abstract roller coaster in the dark with disco balls and projected cookies; a light-up tunnel as its most memorable special effect? Those aren’t the ingredients of an E-Ticket. At least, not today. But to be fair to those second-guessing executives, would fans be excited if Space Mountain were announced for the first time today? Or would they be asking for a copy of Shanghai’s Modern Marvel: TRON – Lightcycle Power Run in its place?
OTHER EXAMPLES: By this metric, it’s difficult to imagine Big Thunder Mountain being built today, isn’t it? Insanely simple, it seems that this wouldn’t pass muster for executives… and maybe not for fans, either. Could we say the same of Jungle Cruise? Soarin’? If they weren’t already Disney classics, you might argue that they don’t fit at Disney Parks!
2. “You want HOW MANY Animatronics?”
Image: Disney
CASE STUDY: Pirates of the Caribbean
Often called Walt’s magnum opus (and the last major attraction in whose development he was deeply involved), Pirates of the Caribbean is a masterpiece. It’s also outrageously scaled, housed in the largest single-ride showbuilding in a Disney Park, on three levels, over sixteen minutes, and with 119 Audio-Animatronics.
That’s grossly out-of-sync with Disney’s more recent game plan, which typically involves having a single Audio-Animatronic (albeit, an incredible one) as the centerpiece of its rides post-2000. It even seemed unlikely that we’d ever again see a leisurely, boat-based dark ride from Disney until the opening of Na’vi River Journey in Pandora – The World of Avatar (though it lacks Pirates’ scale and length, and features – you guessed it – one Audio-Animatronic).
Image: Disney
But before you feel depressed, there may be a new hope… After all, Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance – the new anchor attraction in Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge – is a massive, multi-system dark ride that includes 65 robotic figures! Admittedly, most are relatively motionless Stormtroopers… So while Rise features a half-dozen truly unbelievable figures, it feels like more of an expansion of the “solo starring Audio Animatronic” M.O. of late than a return to the liveliness of Pirates.
OTHER EXAMPLES: It’s hard to imagine Disney approving the Great Movie Ride today, isn’t it? Of course, it’s not just because of the very large, very involved ride packed with animatronics… It’s also because of the next question executives would undoubtedly ask…
3. “Could we use Guardians of the Galaxy instead?”
Image: Disney
CASE STUDY: The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror
The insinuation here may be a little too on-the-nose for fans of Disney California Adventure, that park’s billion-dollar re-do, and the Lost Legend: The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror toppled shortly thereafter… but the truth of the matter is that The Walt Disney Company has spent a spectacular sum of money on acquisitions in the last 30 years. Sure, in CEO Michael Eisner’s time, Disney gobbled up ABC, ESPN, and The Muppets, diversifying into a true international media company… Even still, “Disney” was a tarnished brand in the ‘80s and ‘90s, which is why Eisner had to lean on MGM to co-brand his Orlando movie park, Fox and Paramount to license Star Wars and Indiana Jones, and CBS to gain rights to The Twilight Zone.
Image: Disney
In the decades since his departure, his successor – Bob Iger – has spent a hundred billion dollars gathering up Pixar, Lucasfilm, Marvel, and 20th Century Fox to create one of the world’s largest media companies and strongest brands ever. Executives here would raise a great point: surely, somewhere in Disney’s original and acquired IP, there must be a fit.
Honestly, the guts of Tower of Terror seems like something Disney would and could build today – a staggering, E-Ticket thrill ride loosely based on an existing intellectual property… It’s just unlikely they’d even consider looking at an outside property if the ride was being built today.
OTHER EXAMPLES: Disney has an incredibly rich history of characters created just for the parks. We’d argue that many of those characters wouldn’t exist if the attractions were being built today. Why create Journey into Imagination with Dreamfinder and Figment when the cast of Inside Out will do? Who needs The Timekeeper when you’ve got Mike and Sully? And why create the ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter from scratch when you have Stitch? Which brings us to…
4. “I think we can do better than this…”
Image: Lyle Scott Photography, Flickr – All rights reserved, used with permission
CASE STUDY: Superstar Limo
For all that fans may complain about today’s management in the Disney Parks, Experiences, and Consumer Products division, at least we can be sure that some mistakes of the past would be unlikely to be repeated today. Take the Declassified Disaster: Superstar Limo, said by many to be the worst dark ride Disney has ever designed. The day-glo trip through comic book Los Angeles neighborhoods was packed with in-jokes and populated by ABC’s C-list “stars” of the day like Drew Carey, Jackie Chan, and Joan Rivers, all brought to life via horrific marionette-style dolls.
Image: FigmentJedi, Flickr – All rights reserved, used with permission
Today’s Disney may be obsessed with cramming flavor-of-the-week properties into the park to get the most bang for their bucks. But even in their frustrating pursuit of pulsing Pixar, Marvel, and Star Wars into the parks in some short-sighted ways, Disney does tend to at least have a better long-term vision than they used to. Scaled up, it’s unlikely that Westcot would be built, even today… but it’s equally unlikely that we would’ve gotten California Adventure in its original form, either. Whether the park that did open would be better or worse probably depends on your opinion of Pixar, Marvel, and Star Wars.
OTHER EXAMPLES: Hopefully, Disney’s recent surge in the scope and quality of projects would’ve stopped Stitch’s Great Escape, Journey into YOUR Imagination, Enchanted Tiki Room: Under New Management, or the Rocket Rods before they even started. But projects like Pixar Pier and Toy Story Land serve as a reminder that even for Disney, “good” is sometimes “good enough.”
5. “Maybe we shouldn’t tie our attraction to a real, living celebrity…”
Image: Disney
CASE STUDY: Captain EO
When the Lost Legend: Captain EO opened in 1986, it was the kick-off to Michael Eisner’s brave, ambitious new plan for Disney Parks: that they should feature the characters, stories, and stars that mattered to audiences of the day, even if they weren’t Disney characters. And in a post-Thriller world, no one mattered more to young people than Michael Jackson, who starred in the George Lucas / Francis Ford Coppola short film – the first Disney-Lucas team-up of many.
It goes without saying that the Captain EO we know would never be filmed today (even if Jackson were alive – he died in 2009) thanks to recently-reignited allegations about his private conduct… but we’ll take it one step further and say that Disney wouldn’t even bring the film back as a tribute today like they did from 2010 – 2015 – a move they probably regret in retrospect given what was already alleged at that time.
Image: Disney
Perhaps more importantly, though, we expect that Disney learned a valuable lesson about basing attractions on the stardom of real people… Like in the Lost Legend: Ellen’s Energy Adventure, having real public figures star in a permanent installation automatically ages the attraction, and inextricably ties your ride to that star’s rise – and sometimes, fall. But then again, has Disney learned this lesson? What would happen if heinous allegations were raised about Chris Pratt, star of Guardians of the Galaxy? And when Chris Pratt is 20 years older, will that make the two rides featuring his filmed character look 20 years old?
OTHER EXAMPLES: Thankfully, neither Ellen DeGeneres, Bill Nye, or Alex Trebek ever had a major scandal to their names… but if they had, it might’ve spelled the end for Ellen’s Energy Adventure. Of course, maybe it’s worse that they didn’t. After all, it kept the ’90s overlay to Epcot’s Energy pavilion playing for decades, even as the real life celebrities who starred in it got older, forever aging the ride.
6. “This might be a little too lofty for us…”
Image: Disney
CASE STUDY: Spaceship Earth
Before the 1982 opening of EPCOT Center, a trip to “Disney” meant princesses, pirates, castles, and cartoon characters. But EPCOT Center was meant to be something more. Purposefully devoid of Disney characters, the park was intellectual and educational, focused on the realities of American industry and the optimism of what the 21st century could hold. Future World’s pavilions – each dedicated to an area of science and industry – featured at least one headlining dark ride through human history.
Of them all, Spaceship Earth is one of the only ones to remain. A timeless exploration of communication from the stone age to the digital age, the ride is a masterwork of Imagineering. But that doesn’t mean Disney would build it from scratch today… As a matter of fact, Epcot’s new direction (a mix of cutting edge thrill rides, character invasions, and outdated leftovers) seems to show that Disney isn’t quite sure what this park should be at all. But one direction they aren’t going in? Lengthy, epic, educational dark rides through human history.
Image: Disney
That’s not to say that the age of outstanding Disney dark rides is over. Just that, in rethinking Epcot, Disney seems to have decided that guests come to Disney World to forget reality, not be reminded of it. Pop culture labeled Epcot as the park kids dreaded “wasting” a day at… and Disney likely isn’t eager to return the park to that state any time soon, for better or worse.
OTHER EXAMPLES: It’s nearly impossible to imagine rides like World of Motion, The Living Seas, or Horizons today. Lofty, ambitious, educational, and historic, these slow-moving dark rides inspired a generation, but were quickly abandoned as Epcot reoriented. Would today’s Disney ever design a 40-minute dark ride through the origin of fossil fuels? Unlikely…
7. “Kids don’t know who this is…”
Image: Disney
CASE STUDY: Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride
For all fans complain about the influx of intellectual property in Disney Parks, the truth is that it’s been happening since Disneyland’s opening day! Not only did the park host 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, The Lone Ranger, Davy Crockett, and Tom Sawyer (all iconic heroes in the day), it also hosted the original dark rides of Fantasyland, themed to Peter Pan, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, and the unlikely Mr. Toad from The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad.
Now, make no mistake – Walt didn’t choose Mr. Toad simply because there was no one else to feature. Even in 1955, Disney had already released such classics as Bambi, Cinderella, Pinocchio, and Alice in Wonderland. Yet, Mr. Toad was selected over them all to receive a dark ride!
Image: Disney
In the U.S. parks today, the only thing less likely than Disney approving a ride based on original characters is Disney approving a ride based on little known characters. While allusions to Oswald, Humphrey the Bear, and Clarabelle are scattered around as Easter eggs, it seems highly unlikely that Mr. Toad would ever have been given real estate in Fantasyland today.
OTHER EXAMPLES: But then, if Fantasyland were being built for the first time today, do you really think Peter Pan would’ve made the cut? Snow White? Even Winnie the Pooh! Built from scratch, the land would probably look like Magic Kingdom’s New Fantasyland, with Tangled and Frozen added in.
8. “I don’t think there’s a great way to market this…. Is it what people visit for?”
Image: Disney
CASE STUDY: The Enchanted Tiki Room
Now, granted, the Modern Marvel: Enchanted Tiki Room was an E-Ticket when it opened in 1963, dazzling audiences of the era with its incredible technology and the exceptional songwriting of the Sherman Brothers. While it remains one of the most integral and sensational attractions at Disneyland, it’s… well… difficult to imagine that Disney would bother adding it today.
It’s not just that the era of singalong Audio-Animatroncis shows is over, or that the attraction relies on the careful character work of Imagineer Marc Davis… it’s that the Enchanted Tiki Room isn’t marketable. Why? Well… all of the reasons above. There’s no tie-in to a blockbuster hit; no built-in allegiance from kids; it’s got no Disney characters, too many animatronics, and its too simple to match the draw of modern thrills.
OTHER EXAMPLES: As beloved as they may be, it would be hard to convince fans that today’s Disney would bring Carousel of Progress, Country Bear Jamboree, or Journey into Imagination to life… While each is absolutely essential in the role it plays (or played), they just wouldn’t be seen as marketable new additions today.
But maybe that’s the takeaway – left only to today’s devices, Disney Parks would probably be very different places… and inarguably, that version of any Disney Park wouldn’t be as well-rounded, as full, or as friendly. When you look to more modern-built parks, they’re seemingly stocked only with IP-influenced E-Tickets and lacking family asides, hidden gems, and the original experiences that bring Disney Parks to life. Part of Disney’s strength is in the 60+ year history of their parks, allowing rides that probably wouldn’t be approved today to nonetheless exist! And that balance is something we should truly appreciate.
