Go to Walt Disney World, they said… It will be fun, they said…
Family drama is an unfortunate reality of many Walt Disney World vacations. It can take a magical day from “Zip-a-dee-doo-dah” to “But in mind THE JEDI are evil!” in no time. While there are plenty of tips that can be applied to reduce stress in a Disney vacation (such as planning your visit during times that aren’t as busy), can anything actually be done to help prevent family drama on a Disney vacation if it crops up every time you visit the Most Magical Place on Earth?
It is possible! Even if your family is crazy, here are some of our favorite tips to mitigate family drama and hopefully bust it before it starts.
1. Have a plan…
Image: Disney
Spontaneous Walt Disney World visits are a blast, but for a significant family vacation, a good plan can solve many problems.
One quick reason why families devolve into drama at Walt Disney World is because no one is on the same page. The kids want to go on Expedition: Everest but grandma wants to take a leisurely stroll through the Discovery Island trails. Your brother wants to eat at the Rose and Crown, but your sister is insisting on La Cantina de San Angel. No one agrees.
Thanks to My Disney Experience, it is possible to plan out key elements of your trip in advance. For families, this can help give everyone a clear view of what is coming each day. Ideally, have one person (or two people who work well together) handle the core planning. This can be a difficult job as it involves being sensitive to the needs of the people in your party while establishing a shared timeline, but the end result is worth it.
First, come up with a loose idea what parks you will be visiting which days. Our family is very introverted, so we tend to avoid whatever park is having Extra Magic Hours that day. We also do some park hopping and plan some “freebie” days where people can go wherever they want. Once you know what days you’ll be in which parks, make dining reservations. We tend to write down all the major restaurants we want to hit and space them out throughout the trip.
Finally, make some Fastpass+ reservations. The general line in the sand for picking attractions is usually which party members like thrill rides and which don’t. Set up Fastpass times that aren’t too smooshed together (or close to dining reservations) for E-Ticket rides everyone agrees on first, then make reservations for the thrill ride fans. Finally, get Fastpasses for the rest of your party on non-thrill rides that match the schedules of your more adventurous party members (it is generally easier to get Fastpasses for these rides than the thrill rides anyways). If anyone in the party doesn’t like your plan, they can always change their personal passes. You don’t have to make everyone’s reservations either. Just plan the key stuff you guys want to do together to give everyone clear expectations.
2. …but give some grace
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This is a tough one for micro-detailed planners, but there will come times on a family Disney vacation that you may have to adjust plans and be flexible. Stuff happens, people get stressed out, and sometimes the best way to nip drama in the bud is to go with the flow.
This is one of the areas where visiting during times that aren’t peak busy helps. It is much easier to change course on a Disney trip if you aren’t dependent on making irreplaceable Fastpass+ and dining reservations. Stress levels can soar quickly when a situation is all-or-nothing. In scenarios where flexibility just isn’t an option, plan ahead if you have family members who tend to be late or bust plans. Set rendezvous times that are well ahead of reservation times, for example.
For detailed planners, resist the temptation to micromanage. Over-packing a Disney day with activity and ignoring Murphy’s Law are both surefire recipes for family drama at Walt Disney World. Have a plan but leave some buffers and room for adjustment. For example, you might be able to walk back and forth across the parks six times, but your older family members can’t. Kids may get sick or skin a knee and need to detour to First Aid. Your ideal Disney day may be the stuff of nightmares for a member of your party who has a different personality, like trying to force a teenager to stay all day in Fantasyland for their little brother when they just want to ride Space Mountain.
The key is to leave some room for flexibility, and if things need to adjust, do it.
3. Find common ground
Image: Disney
Most families include a wide range of personalities. One person may want to spend half the day wandering through World Showcase while another can’t stand the idea of doing anything but attractions. You are far more likely to be different than you are to agree on everything all the time.
While personalities may be different, it is usually possible to find some common ground in a family party. Maybe no one can agree on thrill rides, but everyone loves Italian food. Plan key moments in your trip where everyone can come together and enjoy each other’s company on something they agree on. Even if it is just for one meal, common ground can help bind families together and make magical moments.
Resist the temptation to force common ground. Finding common ground doesn’t mean letting one person in the party pick how every single element of the vacation goes. Resist the temptation to cater only to one party member’s needs and everyone else just has to tag along (this is most tempting when you have both small children—little ones can become demanding quickly when tears start to flow). Find true points of common ground and emphasize those.
4. Take time to do some things apart (or in smaller groups)
Image: Disney
Another mistake many families make during a Walt Disney World vacation is feeling like the family has to do absolutely everything together. This isn’t usually a problem for very small families (two parents + one child, for example), but the more people are visiting with you, the more likely you should consider spending a little time apart. Even many married couples could benefit from this.
Finding elements of common ground is great, but a Walt Disney World vacation can quickly turn miserable if everyone has to participate in everything just for the sake of family bonding. Plan some flex time where different members of the family who have common interests can do things together. Let one parent take the teens and thrill-ride lovers to go enjoy Tower of Terror while the others go shopping. Plan a flex day where half the party goes to Magic Kingdom while the other half goes to Epcot. Let your resident introvert have some alone time on Tom Sawyer Island while the extraverts revel in parade crowds. Parents can trade off who watches small children and takes them to enjoy their favorite attractions while the other parents takes a short relief break. Celebrate your differences by allowing family members time to be themselves during flex time on your vacation.
5. Have an easy way to find each other
Image: Disney
Ever run into family drama because you have no clue where your party is? The answer isn’t to hope everyone meets in front of Cinderella Castle (never EVER make that your meeting place). Wouldn’t it be nice if you could just magically figure out where an errant family member is?
Enter Life360.
There are a number of great family tracking apps available for smartphones, but Life360 is one of the most popular. It works on both Android and iOS, and it provides a simple, straightforward means of locating family members anywhere in the world. Before your trip, make sure everyone has the app installed and create a family circle (basically link your accounts so you can see each other). With the click of a button, you can figure out where in Walt Disney World your family member is as well as how much battery they have on their cell phone. Just knowing where people are can do much to prevent drama! It can also help parents of older kids feel more at ease knowing everyone is where they are supposed to be.
Don’t care for Life360? Trusted Contacts is another popular alternative. It’s a Google program, but Apple users can also use it.
6. Take a mid-day break.
Image: elPadawan, Flickr (license)
“Mommy, Disney World is the best! Let’s go TAKE A NAP!” said no kid ever.
Kids are adorable and squishy and make Walt Disney World magical, but they are usually terrible judges of their own energy levels. Most kids will do anything in their power to keep the fun going non-stop on a Disney day, even if it they’re tired. Often, parents don’t realize anything is wrong until our little prince or princess shows signs of crankiness. For some kids, ignoring this early signal can prove a recipe for a meltdown and some unexpected Disney-day-drama.
Ironically, many adults follow the same pattern.
Planning rest breaks into your Disney days is one of the best measures a family can take to prevent drama. Yes, kids may initially sulk at the prospect of leaving the parks, but it is worth it. Leaving the parks for a few hours when crowds swell to their busiest will give you a chance to recover during that bonkers time of day when most families are just beginning to feel the drama. Kids have a chance to nap, snack, or watch cartoons in the room (this is where staying on property really becomes worth it). Adults can catch their breath and rest their legs. Introverts can recover with some alone time while extraverts can enjoy some casual socializing (hopefully not with their dear introvert trying to hide in the closet).
During your Disney days, keep an eye on the energy levels of your family members, especially small children. Be flexible and find some ways to compromise with those who are getting worn out but deliberately planning opportunities to rest and recover.
7. Be kind and set boundaries
Image: Disney
Some family drama on a Walt Disney World vacation can feel unavoidable because of clashes of values. Maybe you have a family member who is a “boundary-buster” who all-too-often demands their own way. Maybe someone tends to act passive aggressively. Maybe one family member suffers from anxiety while others in the family don’t understand it and exacerbate the issue.
In any family, the first step to resolving these problems is to set good boundaries. Entire books have been written on the issue.
You are an individual with values, and it is okay to have boundaries around those values, like furniture in a house. It is okay for family members to have disagreements and even to discuss those disagreements in values, like visiting a house but not caring for the decor. It is not okay to belittle, steamroll, or disregard the values of a family member entirely. We may not be able to change the behavior of crazy family members, but we can take steps to set clear and healthy boundaries in a kind way. If drama is being caused on a vacation by clashes in values, it is okay to set a boundary: “It’s okay that you want to ride that ride, but I am not comfortable on roller coasters. I will be in the shop while you guys ride.” If a boundary-busting party member gets upset, stay firm and polite: “That’s okay. You guys have fun, and we can meet up and do something together after you get off the ride.”
Easily fall into anger or anxiety? Take time to step away and clear your head, even if you have to get firm with family members to keep that boundary in place. If they get offended, that is on them, not you. Boundaries can be tricky territory to navigate, but they are crucial to preventing drama in the long term and, if nothing else, keeping it from wrecking your trip. Bad things feels bad and that’s okay—stuff happens, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. It is okay as an individual if you (or you and your spouse) need to establish some boundaries with family during a Disney vacation. Communicate kindly within your family and if a boundary issue keeps cropping up, do what you can to address it and find a solution. It’s rarely possible for all family drama to be avoided but establishing clear boundaries can often help or at least guard your values.
How do you prevent family drama on a Walt Disney World vacation?
