Every new parent dreams of that wonderful day when they’ll finally be able to take their child to a Disney theme park. It’s the vacation that a child will remember fondly for the rest of its life. Once your kid is old enough to make the trip, however, you’ll realize something. A few Disney rides could leave your child sobbing uncontrollably. Here are seven of the scariest things children will face at Walt Disney World.
7. Mad Tea Party
Adults hate the Mad Tea Party due to the Dramamine factor. If you get in one of the pastel tea cups with the wrong person, you’ll find yourself going in circles more than a Nascar driver. You know that it’s true. NASA has the vomit comet; Mad Tea Party is the Disney equivalent.
To children, this attraction can be just as nausea-inducing. Even worse, kids don’t know how to train their eyes or perform other tactics to avoid dizziness. All they see is the entirety of Magic Kingdom going around and around in front of them. And the themed attraction is disorienting, too. The bright colors are fun when someone loves the ride. During a nightmare spinoff, however, it’s a bright and shiny dystopia that seems nothing like the real world. Generally, kids love the Mad Tea Party, but one runs away screaming every few rides.
6. Enchanted Tales with Belle
This is one of the surprises on the list. It seems like the safest attraction imaginable. Kids are part of a live audience for an interactive show. That’s great, right?
What you’re forgetting is that many kids are shy and insular. You’ve taught them not to talk to strangers, after all. When a cast member asks them to go onstage, some children claim the show like they own it. Others start sobbing and begging to be left alone. For an internal child, there are few things worse than having to act out a play in front of total strangers.
To their credit, cast members are aware of this and respond quickly when they notice a child is miserable. Still, the damage is already done. If you have a shy child, be wary of any attraction that could require their performing in front of a crowd.
5. Soarin’
This attraction is the genesis of the current article. During a recent visit to Epcot, my wife and I watched in horror as the father behind us (almost literally) dragged his son through the line queue. The boy protested the entire time, punctuating his feelings with multiple crying jags. The dad was fervent that the boy needed to face his fear and ride Soarin’.
The idea seems innocuous, doesn’t it? Soarin’ is a wonderful attraction that mimics the sensation of flight. That’s absolutely fantastic…unless you have a fear of heights.
Many kids hear what will happen on the ride, and they lose their minds. This boy was no exception. Even as his father berated and cajoled him into getting into the seat, the son resisted. He eventually threw such a tantrum that the cast members stepped in, asking the father to stop pressuring his child into riding. The father grudgingly (and angrily) stormed out. He was resentful of the fact that Disney employees wouldn’t force a kid to ride something his father wanted.
A) Don’t be that type of parent. B) Be aware of the dangers of Soarin’ if your child has shown a previous fear of heights. Otherwise, you could unintentionally create a stressful situation for a lot of people.
4. It’s Tough to Be a Bug!
Some kids like bugs. Other kids think they’re nasty, slimy critters who bite and spread disease everywhere. Plus, they walk creepy.
If your child isn’t a fan of bugs…or getting a surprise poke from their chair, It’s Tough to Be a Bug! is worst show at Walt Disney World. It’s basically ten minutes of monster-sized bugs staring into a kid’s soul. The gas that gets released during the show doesn’t help, either. It makes everything otherworldly and unsettling, like a child has been left alone in a jungle setting.
This attraction is a lot of fun when kids have the right attitude. When they don’t, it’s basically a bug-based endurance test a la Fear Factor.
3. The Haunted Mansion
Everything at The Haunted Mansion is fake. The design is to entertain with gallows humor and amazing feats of Imagineering. Your child won’t realize this. They’ll see a building full of ghosts, clock that go backwards, and a cemetery full of singing spirits soaring into the sky.
You likely find the entire attraction delightful. To your kid, it’s a waking nightmare that proves that every fear that they’ve ever had about ghosts is valid. Before you argue the point, think back to your childhood. Wasn’t there something that terrified you, even though you later realized how ridiculous that fear was?
I once saw an episode of The Carol Burnett Show that lampooned Jaws, showing that sharks could invade a home via plumbing. That one scene put me off of baths for years. The Haunted Mansion has several special effects much more serious than that. Your child could develop a fear of weddings due to a single attic encounter with The Bride.
When you prepare your kid for The Haunted Mansion, keep the conversation light. You want them to enter the environment as stress-free as possible. You should also act as happy as possible. Your child will see your joy and realize that there’s nothing to fear.
2. It’s a Small World
Scary dolls have come to life! I’m not describing the Child’s Play film franchise. I’m taking about the “Little Boat Ride” that Walt Disney requested in the early 1960s. For half a century, this celebration of world culture has terrorized children with its vivid imagery.
Each new scene displays dozens of life-like dolls, all of whom sing an infernal song over and over again. Even children are mature enough to understand the concept of eternal torment. They know the evils of It’s a Small World. Once they board the boat, they appreciate that there’s no hope and no chance of escape for fifteen minutes. There’s a reason why so many stories about Disney hauntings involve children and this ride. It’s basically a voyage of the damned, and your kid will recognize their peril the instant the boat moves. And oh yes, there will be tears.
1. Any character meal or meet and greet
Robin Williams used to anchor his entire comedy routine around a couple of Disney characters, Mickey Mouse and Goofy. It was a logical foray since he’d once worked as a cast member at Disneyland. The money quote from his standup routine was, “To a three-year-old, Mickey Mouse is a six-foot-tall rat.” For a generation now, parents have nodded knowingly at this joke.
You may dream of a photo op wherein your child tightly hugs Minnie Mouse. In your mind’s eye, your child’s smile is so bright it outshines the sun. In reality, you may feel forced to push your kid up the costumed cast member in order to keep the line moving. Then, you might spend a couple of minutes coaxing your child to do something…*anything* to engage with the character. You will do this through tears, possibly your child’s or possibly your own. These situations quickly grow intense, and parents can’t help but panic due to the pressure they feel to not act as a bottleneck.
A character meal or character meet and greet is the type of thing that parents dream about when they think of a Disney vacation. After the trip is over, you will have pictures and memories that will last a lifetime. In that middle time when you’re at Walt Disney World, the reality will not line up with the fantasy. You will have a couple of bad encounters. It’s inevitable.
