Disney’s brilliance is an unrivaled blessing in a world which yearns for exceptional entertainment, escape and distraction. The entire Disney cast is so good at what they do, they sometimes fall prey to their own talents and success. When something isn’t entirely perfect it elicits a disproportionate reaction from even their adoring public, as we have come to expect, however unreasonable, infallibility.
Disney Parks attractions receive a level of scrutiny we should, but do not even apply to those with whom we pledge to live the rest of our lives. A ride may have trilled visitors for decades; may have, in its way, contributed to the raising of your children. Change one thing about the queue that does not meet with universal satisfaction, though, and it’s as if Disney has perpetrated an intentional betrayal.
Guests of Disney Resorts are invited to expect perfection. As mentioned, it is inherent in the phenomenal and wholly dependable experience that only Disney can deliver. Still, you may want to save the indignation when some minor event occurs to your disliking. Redirect it toward an actual Disney oversight, i.e., changes that are way overdue. A number of rides could benefit from a wholesale renovation, if not outright removal. These truly warrant your irrational scorn.
Editor’s Note: Christopher’s opinions in no way reflect those of Theme Park Tourist or its staff.
1. Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage, Disneyland
It’s a charming twist on an absolute classic attraction, and a fine tribute to an excellent Disney movie. Simply being charming and merely being fine do not fill the queues at Disneyland, or any of the exceedingly popular, and thus highly scrutinized parks. Given the prime real estate it occupies, between the Matterhorn and Tomorrowland, and the amount of space it consumes, the attraction herein needs to be spectacular. It isn’t.
It’s a nice break from the heat, though the close quarters are akin to swapping one discomfort for another. The novelty of the Nemo remodel has also worn off, as guests find what looks like the simple addition of a few projection screens beneath Disney’s typical genius, and barely worth revisiting.
The solution here would take considerable effort, admittedly, though we’re talking about the company that built Disney California Adventure in a parking lot and turned however many acres of uninhabitable Floridian swamp into Walt Disney World. With the area the Submarine Voyage currently occupies, and the old Motorboat attraction, and throw in the rotating rotunda of boring that is Disneyland’s version of Innoventions, you could create a fairly vast Star Wars Land. We know there’s something like this in the works, but rumors point to putting it in ToonTown. Star Wars Land belongs next to Star Tours and Space Mountain, and could, without remorse, replace what’s there now.
2. The Magic Carpets of Aladdin, Magic Kingdom, Walt Disney World Resort
Aladdin is a wonderful movie and surely warrants its own attraction. Jammed into what was a walkway through Adventureland, this uninspiring Dumbo knockoff is hardly a fitting tribute. It’s cute, and the kids love it, but where Walt Disney World has managed to salvage an underperformer like Dumbo, with an interactive queue and play area, they have relatively neglected The Magic Carpets, and there’s not much they can do anyway, given the scarcity of space.
Tarps, or carpets, rather, decorate the waiting area, and a camel that spits water on occasion, though neither does much for you on a traditionally hot day. And what is truly bizarre (see what we did there?), this tiny afterthought of an attraction is a FastPass+ option. Okay, pretty much every Magic Kingdom ride offers FastPass+, but could you imagine sacrificing one third of your FastPasses here? Well, there are those that do, and for everyone who does there is one less person in front of you on Space Mountain. This is not quite enough to justify Magic Carpet’s existence. And honestly on a hot day, who wouldn’t rather this was a rotating concession stand/patio that sold Dole Whips?
3. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Both Magic Kingdom, Walt Disney World and Disneyland
With an excess of endearing characters, and how brilliantly A.A. Milne’s tales would lend themselves to a Disney-fashioned dark ride, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh could be, should be a park favorite. At Disneyland the wait rarely tops ten minutes, and at Walt Disney World it only garners slightly more traffic because of its prime location in Fantasyland.
The Disneyland version resembles a concept ride, where someone removed half the slides from the storyboard. You amble along for a while meeting Pooh and his friends, then suddenly the wind picks up and the remainder is all Heffalumps and Woozels.
The Walt Disney World attraction is essentially the same, though it has an interactive queue, for which the Magic Kingdom is becoming famous. The multifaceted distraction makes the line literally fly, and you’re almost sorry when you get through it. Once inside many wish they were back in line, or perhaps on a different ride. Most just wish they had Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride back.
4. The Little Mermaid – Ariel’s Undersea Adventures, Disney California Adventure, Disneyland Resort
This is rather a new attraction. Notwithstanding, it’s floundering. Pun intended. Even when it was brand new, it didn’t draw well. It’s a dark ride, is centrally located and terribly relaxing, yet even on a hot, crowded day, the line isn’t excessive. As with Nemo and Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, for all the it’s popularity, deserves better representation.
All your favorite characters make appearances, and there’s a massive “Under the Sea” scene, but the attraction itself feels both choppy and unfinished. Where the transitions on other dark rides, i.e., Peter Pan, Alice in Wonderland, are appropriate and seamless, here there are significant, noticeable breaks. Once you do start to immerse yourself in the story, wham! Ursula is suddenly expiring in a bubbling black cloud and Eric and Ariel are living happily ever after. As you try to come to terms with what just happened, the ride abruptly ends, and you’re being politely asked to exit.
The building that houses this particular attraction is about the same as size as those that contain Indiana Jones and Star Tours, individually. The moral, Disney can do, has done, and probably will do a lot better.
